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| Dad and Mom, Christmas 2020 |
My dad wil turn 91 soon. Last year we had a big 90th birthday party for him. We focused the birthday celebration on 90 years of good living. This year, as we celebrate his 91st birthday, the themes that come to mind are independence, persistence, and generosity.
Throughout dad's life, he has been an independent, persistent, and generous person. Dad lived life his way, and all that knew him benefitted greatly from that. When I think of dad's idependence, I mainly think of his great love of athleticism and the outdoors. He wasn't the dad that spent a lot of time glued to the television watching sports games although you could find him on Saturday afternoons after a long week at work watching The Wide World of Sports. He also wasn't the dad who was saving up to buy tickets to attend football or baseball games, though we did attend sports events mainly to watch family members play high school and college ball. Dad, instead, was the guy who was fully participating in athletic activities. He was the guy who brought his six kids to the local pond to play pick-up games of hockey with other pond hockey enthusiasts. He was the guy that took us on multi-mile bike hikes through city and country roads to visit relatives, and he was the guy that led us along many a forest, beach, or mountain path to explore. Dad pursued his love of nature throughout his life. This was his choice, a choice that he continues today as he frequently walks his favorite country paths. It is also a choice that so many of his nieces, nephews, children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren continue today.
Dad is persistent too. One of the greatest examples of his persistence was the way he beat cancer when he was in his 70's. Diagnosed with what doctors felt was a terminal case of cancer, he decided to fight. He began his fight with research and as part of his research, he found out what the richest people in the world who were diagnosed with that cancer did, and then he told his doctors that he wanted to do the same thing. He told me that the richest people in the world can get the best care and that's what he wanted too. Further he researched every avenue to be cancer-free, and used that research to change his diet and lifestyle in ways that worked against cancer. And, he reached out to every medical professional he knew to ask for their advice. Via the advice of one doctor friend of my brother's, he connected with Dr. Mary Ellen Taplin and convinced her to let him be part of a trial she was conducting related to his cancer. He persisted and she agreed. I remember the struggle my father faced during those cancer years--years that brought him to tears and squashed his strength, but he persisted, and with great science and probably some luck, he beat the deadly cancer. He survived, and now twenty-plus years later he's still alive. Another example of his persistence is that he insists on doing as much as he can for himself. For example, yesterday he not only snowplowed his own driveway with nearly two-feet of snow, but he plowed his neighbor's driveway too. And only a few weeks ago, he entertained us for dinner. He set the table, cooked the meal, poured the wine, and was a great host. Amazing!
Dad is also generous. His greatest joy is when he helps someone else. A year ago, when he went out to dinner with us, he took great joy in giving all the children at the table next to us a dollar each. In the early years, he often quietly gave gifts of money and support to multiple family members when they needed a boost. He never wanted people to feel left out or troubled in any way--if able, he would help anyone he could. Even this morning he empathetically discussed a family member's challenge with me asking me what he could do to help out. Dad's greatest joy in life has been to bring joy to others--he especially loves helping those who really need it.
Anyone with older or physically-challenged relatives know that the pandemic year has been an especially tough year for Americans who face the gravest danger with the COVID-19 virus. This struggle was made even greater with President Trump and his cronies who seemed to will the death of vulnerable people rather than work for their survival and good living. In the past Trump year there was one haunting message after another from the White House as well as pages and pages of obituaries. Further, social gatherings were greatly reduced--the kind of gatherings that bring joy to people especially when they get older or are alone as social gatherings are the times you get to spend with your loved ones. Yet, throughout the pandemic Dad persisted, and just last Friday he had his first dose of the COVID-19 vaccine. His second dose is scheduled for the end of the month.
The family rallied around dad too. His children and some nieces who have been able to physically isolate from most people visit regularly. For holidays we've had family ZOOMs which dad has loved since he's been able to see his entire family on the screen at once--a family that includes five children (sadly dad lost his oldest son to cancer), four partners, thirteen grandchildren and their loved ones, and five great grandchildren.
So soon we'll gather at another family ZOOM to celebrate dad's 91st birthday. We'll show a slideshow of dad's signature moments and let dad tell us the stories that go along with those moments--stories that will likely fill all of us with dad's terrific persistence, independence, and generosity--gifts we are all thankful for. Happy 91st birthday Dad!
12/24/22 Afterward: I arrived at Dad's house on his birthday 2021, ready to make a delicious seafood dinner only to find that my mom suffering from a stroke. We called the ambulance who whisked mom off to the emergency room. Mom survived the stroke, spent several weeks in rehab, and has outpaced her prognosis signifcantly by regaining some speech, her ability to swallow and the opportunity to stay home. Dad continues to persist--he's been a great nurse to Mom and continues to keep his home in tip-top shape. Recently he walked five miles to a gain a beautifull hilltop view of the Quabbin Reservoir. Tomorrow we'll celebrate Christmas with Dad and Mom in person which will beat last year's successful, but not-as-nice ZOOM Christmas gathering.