There have been many stories of sexual misconduct in the news. Those stories range from clear criminal behavior related to rape and long-term harm to less clear incidence of sexual misconduct. When you're older like me, you likely see this issue with a different perspective than younger people because you grew up at a time when sexual misconduct was a mainstay in society, and at a time when many actions defined as sexual misconduct were promoted and accepted in society. For example, I can remember sitting at a workplace lunch table listening to a colleague detail sexual exploitation, and no one spoke up. The kind of exploitation he was detailing was something I had never thought about before that moment--I was dumbstruck. Since that time many years ago, there has been much in the news to counter such exploitive behavior, and even though it sadly still exists, people are far more aware of how wrong it is and what to do if they hear others speak of it.
For myself, I encountered sexual misconduct mainly at the places that I worked. The men in those places often spoke with little respect and their words were often filled with harrassing, sexual statements, inferences, and attitude. Some of the women in those places played along with this disrespect too. This was demeaning, but at the time, this kind of language, action, and attitude was generally accepted in society. I didn't know any better and simply ignored their behavior, though I haven't forgotten the impact those words and behavior had on me--impact I had to dissect and remove in the years later.
And, as I hear stories of sexual misconduct, I do wonder where we draw the line between personal responsibility and misconduct. For example, when people make sexual advances towards one another in a social setting, when is that related to attraction and when is that related to misconduct? I know there's a power differential that comes to play here--if you're the one with more social/professional power, you do have a greater responsibility to act with respect and to take the professional-personal boundaries seriously, but when are acts like these flirtatious and when are they oppressive and disrespectful? What is the responsibility of the one who crosses the line and the one who is experiencing that?
Sometimes people who are in the generation ahead of me or my generation will still use actions and words that are no longer acceptable and fit into the realm of sexual misconduct. These statements are made more from those distanced from much diversity of age and gender in their work and life spaces--people who haven't updated their language and actions. They need reminders and education about what's appropriate and what is not, they need to build greater respect.
As I think of the trajectory of good to bad behavior, I'm wondering about how we judge people. Do we dismiss an individual's good work because of a few flaws that are not criminal? If we do, do we risk losing out on that person's incredible talents or service? Or do we hold everyone accountable for every flaw, misjudgement, and poor choice? I think we have to think about these situations with a deeper, broader view knowing that no person will be perfect, yet we can expect a respectful level of good behavior from most people, and when they err, there needs to be acknowledgement of that error and work to repair the damage.
Going forward, it's good for all of us to revisit behavior related to sexual language and conduct that is respectful, and to make sure that we have updated our ways in this regard. As for those who are found to be guilty of past disrespect related to sexual conduct or language, we need to decide if those acts should erase the good a person has done or can do, or if those acts and words should be dealt with in a more balanced way. Every situation will be different, and what is the best way to decide about next steps is the question at hand?