I remember long ago when loved ones were at end-of-life. At that time, my husband and I decided we would do all that we could to support our loved ones. We made some hard choices at that time, and we have never regretted making those choices. We did what we could by weighing each decisions with care. We took both the short term and long term view as we decided. One decision, in particular, stands out as we made a tough holiday choice, and that turned out to be a very special holiday event, a memorable final holiday celebration with a loved one.
Now, facing similar decisions again, I am thinking about what it is that I hope to do--the kind of care I want to provide.
The reality is that no matter what stage of life we are at, people make their own choices and attain a fair amount of autonomy. None of us can live another's life, and no one wants anyone living their life either. So to serve people well is to respond well to what they need and want, to figure out how to help them have a peaceful, joyful, happy life.
As I think about this, I'm reminded of the question, What can I do for you? It is a simple question, but a powerful question.
Observation is similarly powerful--what brings a smile to someone's face or a need answered. For example, I made a meal for a loved one that resulted in a grimace--I won't repeat that meal, but on another occassion, I made a meal that the loved one devoured--I'll definitely repeat that meal.
Listening is powerful too--what experiences do loved ones remember, talk about, and want to replicate.
As with any good relationship, when we let people lead us, we provide better care and support no matter their stage of life.