On two notable occassions in life, I pushed forward with events with a less than enthusiastic audience. Once was a college dance where I invited a guy to go with me and once was a family event where I promoted what I thought was a good idea. In both instances, the men involved agreed to participate, and in both occassions it was clear that they were disappointed with their decisions. I'm sure that these good men didn't want to hurt my feelings, but honestly, if they had the courage to say no, all would have been better.
Sometimes, we have to have the courage to answer with a respectful No Thank You, and while uncomfortable, in the long run, this is the right thing to do.
With regard to the college dance, the young man I asked to go with me was clearly not a good match for me in so many ways. I was very immature, unaware, and in many ways in my own little bubble of life. That young man was more mature in many ways, and clearly at a very different point in life than me. Well intentioned, he said yes, but his behavior throughout the event cried, NO!
Similiarly, at the family event, I pushed an agenda that cried, "We're all in this together-let's celebrate" whereas my family member looked forward to an intimate, caring celebration, not a big bash. I didn't see this and was following family traditions of the past, but during this evening, just like the young man at the dance, my family member's dissatisfaction with how things worked out were clear--it wasn't what he had in mind, and he regretted taking me up on my offer. It's too bad he didn't say, No Thank You.
It takes courage to say no sometimes, but it also often demonstrates your clear understanding of who you are, what you need, and why.
In the situation of the dance, I would have been disappointed if that young man had said no, but I may have asked someone who was a better match after that. And in the case of the family event, if my family member had explained his thinking, I probably would have understood because I often choose an intimacy with regard to family events rather than inviting the whole crowd--when you're from a big family, you know how valuable those intimate moments are.
We can never expect people to understand fully who we are and we can never expect to fully understand others, and that's why we need to be thoughtful and accurate when responding to invitations, questions, and requests--we have to help people know us, understand us, and work with us. That helps.
So please have the courage to say no when that's the best choice. If you do that, you'll do people a favor. Onward.