I detected hate in a recent conversation. It was not overt hate, but subtle hate that crept into the discussion. I overtalked the hate, when in fact I should have listened more, and responded with few words rather than more. I did this because the hate made me nervous, frightened, and worried.
This is not the first time I detected hate in a conversation, but it was the first time that I really stopped to think deeply about that hate and what to do about it.
Where did the hate come from?
As I analyze the situation, I can see that the hate came from decades of oppression. The individual who acted with hatred had been lost in a sea of oppression for too long creating a deep well of hatred--a well mostly hidden, but a well that sometimes spills over.
Why was the hate exposed?
The words spoken awoke the oppressive experience in the speaker's heart and mind, the words spoken created a break in the wall she had carefully constructed to protect the hate from spilling over into her world.
What to do about the hate?
The well of hate created is real. There is reason why that hate and anger exists, and that reason is clear oppression, judgement, need, and neglect. And to deconstruct that well of hate will take concerted efforts of respect, acknowledgement, listening, and supporting. The support needs to be in response to the individual's needs and vision, not support that comes from what I think or anyone else thinks is the right response, but support that clearly is dictated by the person who suffers.
Wells of hate and anger exist in people because of neglect and oppression. In the best of circumstances, no one would experience the kind of grave neglect and oppression that creates such struggle, but in all of us there will be some pockets of hate and anger, and each of us has to be sensitive to that fact with the desire to help rather than actions that only awaken that pain without support.