I spent a fair amount of time with young adults over the past week. Some were my own children and others were friends and extended family members. In many ways these young adults have been launched--they've had good educations, experienced many various relationships over time, and are now embarking on more serious relationships and professional jobs. I loved being around their energy, enthusiasm, and spark--it was contagious.
Throughout the week, many conversations revolved around choices--simple choices related to daily activities, meals, transportation and more complex choices related to professional jobs, living, and relationship decisions. As I listened to the conversations, I found myself thinking back to myself during those twenty-something days, days when I spent a lot of time with friends exploring new places, relationships, jobs, and decisions. Overall I was mostly very responsible, yet there were times when my parents and others had to come to my rescue after errors in judgement, accidents, and mistakes. Luckily there were people that helped me out during those important learning events.
You learn a lot throughout life and perhaps that learning is greater during your twenties when you are making choices that will affect your entire life, choices about where you live, who you love, and what you do for a living. Yes, you can change your mind, and your initial decisions may change, but, generally, the big decisions you make have a profound impact on who you are and how you live in your thirties, forties, and after that. This is why I believe it is important for parents of young adults to teach and instill a good amount of personal responsibility. How can we do that?
Most importantly, we have to relay stories that demonstrate the responsibility needed for big decisions. For example, it's important to deeply consider the people you date and enter deep relationships with. When I was in high school, I was taught not to even date a person I couldn't imagine marrying because it's easy to fall in love with the wrong person. Though the statement is strong, I still think it's a good rule to follow for the most part. Why get involved with someone who isn't good for you? I've seen that happen to people, and generally getting involved with the wrong people leads you down paths you don't want to go.
It's also important to instill financial responsibility. This can be tough because you want to help your children out, yet if you enable them too much financially, they won't learn financial responsibility. On the other hand, sometimes a little help can go a long way. I remember once when I needed a few extra dollars unexpectedly, and my dad gave that money to me no questions asked. It was a big help for an important educational reason--a support that helped me to get my career off the ground, a career that's helped me to live a good life. Helping your children understand what it means to make good financial decisions is important, and as my wise sister has always taught me, it's best to live below your means so that you have a few extra dollars for the unexpected circumstances that occur.
Safe behavior is also an important aspect of personal responsibility. When you are twenty-something, you feel invincible, but taking unsafe risks and engaging in unsafe behavior may have dire consequences, consequences that can be physically or financially dreadful. Accidents and poor decisions will occur, but to continually engage in unsafe behavior puts everyone at risk and it is not personally responsible
So I guess the best that parents of twenty-somethings can do is keep the conversation going about personal responsibility, and model that responsibility too. That's an important aspect of parenting young adult children.
Throughout the week, many conversations revolved around choices--simple choices related to daily activities, meals, transportation and more complex choices related to professional jobs, living, and relationship decisions. As I listened to the conversations, I found myself thinking back to myself during those twenty-something days, days when I spent a lot of time with friends exploring new places, relationships, jobs, and decisions. Overall I was mostly very responsible, yet there were times when my parents and others had to come to my rescue after errors in judgement, accidents, and mistakes. Luckily there were people that helped me out during those important learning events.
You learn a lot throughout life and perhaps that learning is greater during your twenties when you are making choices that will affect your entire life, choices about where you live, who you love, and what you do for a living. Yes, you can change your mind, and your initial decisions may change, but, generally, the big decisions you make have a profound impact on who you are and how you live in your thirties, forties, and after that. This is why I believe it is important for parents of young adults to teach and instill a good amount of personal responsibility. How can we do that?
Most importantly, we have to relay stories that demonstrate the responsibility needed for big decisions. For example, it's important to deeply consider the people you date and enter deep relationships with. When I was in high school, I was taught not to even date a person I couldn't imagine marrying because it's easy to fall in love with the wrong person. Though the statement is strong, I still think it's a good rule to follow for the most part. Why get involved with someone who isn't good for you? I've seen that happen to people, and generally getting involved with the wrong people leads you down paths you don't want to go.
It's also important to instill financial responsibility. This can be tough because you want to help your children out, yet if you enable them too much financially, they won't learn financial responsibility. On the other hand, sometimes a little help can go a long way. I remember once when I needed a few extra dollars unexpectedly, and my dad gave that money to me no questions asked. It was a big help for an important educational reason--a support that helped me to get my career off the ground, a career that's helped me to live a good life. Helping your children understand what it means to make good financial decisions is important, and as my wise sister has always taught me, it's best to live below your means so that you have a few extra dollars for the unexpected circumstances that occur.
Safe behavior is also an important aspect of personal responsibility. When you are twenty-something, you feel invincible, but taking unsafe risks and engaging in unsafe behavior may have dire consequences, consequences that can be physically or financially dreadful. Accidents and poor decisions will occur, but to continually engage in unsafe behavior puts everyone at risk and it is not personally responsible
So I guess the best that parents of twenty-somethings can do is keep the conversation going about personal responsibility, and model that responsibility too. That's an important aspect of parenting young adult children.