How do you deal with tough issues? How do those around you deal with tough issues? There are many ways to think about this.
Recently a friend told me about a tough issue. The friend was not happy with my response. In thinking about the situation, I wish I had refrained from saying anything since I wasn't in a position to listen carefully or respond with care at the moment the issue was relayed to me. Instead, I had something on my mind. I should have responded with let me think about that.
Yet I did respond and had to walk by my words since those words did not represent what I was ready to do--those words did not reflect careful thought or consideration. Yes, haste makes waste.
As my role in life appears to be morphing from extremely active participant to more of a consultant in many situations, it's clear that I have to slow down my approach, think with greater care, and be more discerning about where I'm headed and what I want to be.
I had a similar situation in the fall. I responded quickly and, in hindsight, cavalierly, about a topic of concern. I didn't think it was a big deal, yet when I responded it was as if I stepped into a hornet's nest. My words provoked a stinging situation that I'm still smarting from. Truthfully, at the time, I didn't think the situation was a deep and impactful as it was, yet in hindsight I can see all the tendrils my words provoked. A few words touched upon a dozen or so painful and troubling realities. I see that now.
This issue was not an issue in the past, and I do think my age and role in life has created this new situation. In my earlier days, I was extremely busy and so were most of the people I was involved with. We were all erring with our words and decisions and easily reacting with empathy to one another. We were forging our paths, doing what we could to live good lives.
More recently, however, life has slowed down, and situations beyond our control are more pervasive thus making many more sensitive and searching. Many in my midst are reimagining their lives for their new realities, realities that include retirement, adult children, new job situations, illness, loss, moving, and yes, a pandemic too. Many want more control than they have, and many are reflective too during this changing stage of life. While respect has always been important, it seems to be more important now. Listening is preferred to speaking, acting is preferred to conversing, and empathy is needed everywhere.
So I'm redrawing my road map for tough issues including the following directions:
Recently a friend told me about a tough issue. The friend was not happy with my response. In thinking about the situation, I wish I had refrained from saying anything since I wasn't in a position to listen carefully or respond with care at the moment the issue was relayed to me. Instead, I had something on my mind. I should have responded with let me think about that.
Yet I did respond and had to walk by my words since those words did not represent what I was ready to do--those words did not reflect careful thought or consideration. Yes, haste makes waste.
As my role in life appears to be morphing from extremely active participant to more of a consultant in many situations, it's clear that I have to slow down my approach, think with greater care, and be more discerning about where I'm headed and what I want to be.
I had a similar situation in the fall. I responded quickly and, in hindsight, cavalierly, about a topic of concern. I didn't think it was a big deal, yet when I responded it was as if I stepped into a hornet's nest. My words provoked a stinging situation that I'm still smarting from. Truthfully, at the time, I didn't think the situation was a deep and impactful as it was, yet in hindsight I can see all the tendrils my words provoked. A few words touched upon a dozen or so painful and troubling realities. I see that now.
This issue was not an issue in the past, and I do think my age and role in life has created this new situation. In my earlier days, I was extremely busy and so were most of the people I was involved with. We were all erring with our words and decisions and easily reacting with empathy to one another. We were forging our paths, doing what we could to live good lives.
More recently, however, life has slowed down, and situations beyond our control are more pervasive thus making many more sensitive and searching. Many in my midst are reimagining their lives for their new realities, realities that include retirement, adult children, new job situations, illness, loss, moving, and yes, a pandemic too. Many want more control than they have, and many are reflective too during this changing stage of life. While respect has always been important, it seems to be more important now. Listening is preferred to speaking, acting is preferred to conversing, and empathy is needed everywhere.
So I'm redrawing my road map for tough issues including the following directions:
- Think more, speak less
- Research issues before speculating on conclusions
- Give as much as you can whenever you can
- Be present
- Don't expect to have the answers--often people just want a listening ear
- Stay true to your values, but be willing to revise those values if you learn new or better information
- Deepen and develop positive relationships
Tough issues will occur--no one lives life without them. However, when approached well, these tough issues can become meaningful aspects of life too. Onward.