Are you a hindrance or helper to those you love? How do you determine that?
I am considering that question today as I think about the many relationships I have with friends and family members. I am thinking about what truly makes you more of a helper than a hindrance. There are many perspectives with which to consider this question.
First, consider who is a helper to you--what do they do? My friends and family members that help me do some or all of the following:
- Consider my questions, problems, issues from the perspective of who I am, what I want, and what's good for me.
- Offer helpful advice.
- Sometimes give me meaningful gifts that show they know me and care about me.
- Invite me to dinner or for celebrations (pre-COVID19)
- Check in on me to see how I am doing
- Show interest in my family and interests
- Offer honest and caring advice, support
- Enjoy good times with me
People that hinder who I am, often act in these ways:
- negative and critical
- show no interest in who I am, what I enjoy, or what I desire in life
- don't check in, invite me over, or include me
- act in untruthful, hurtful, and harmful ways
Fortunately I have few relations with people who hinder my life and enjoy many relations with people that are helpful and welcome in my life. I guess most of us can say that is true as why would we continue to stay connected to people that harm us, hurt us, or obstruct our good living.
So now consider yourself--how are you a helper and how are you a hindrance?
Communication
Communication patterns matter a lot when it comes to whether you are a helper or a hindrance. If you communicate too much, only talk about yourself, and are not a good listener, you're likely more of a hindrance than a helper. Also if you don't stay in touch or check in with loved ones, you too may be a hindrance. On the other hand, those that are good listeners, check in with loved ones, and don't over communicate are likely more often helpers than hindrances.
Actions
Acts of generosity and kindess definitely make you more of a helper than a hindrance. How often do you reach out to loved ones with actions that meaningfully and helpfully uplift them? What might those actions be? Shared food, celebrations, good times together, and needed gifts are a way to show someone the kinds of care that makes you a helper. On the other hand when people feeled used and abused by your actions, you are certainly a hindrance. For example, if you reach out to people only when you need something they have, you're likely more of a hindrance than a helper.
Respect
Respect for your loved ones' choices is a good way to be a helper. Rather than not listen or quickly critique a loved ones' choices, you can be a good listener who shows genuine interest in your loved ones' choices in life. This kind of respect makes you a helper rather than a hindrance. Too be overly judgmental or uninterested definitely makes you a hindrance.
Good relationships relay on positive actions, communication, and respect. Good relationships occur when people help each other in honest, genuine, kind ways. And to foster these kinds of positive relationships truly enrich the lives we lead on our own and with one another. Onward.