How do you deal with hurt. I've read a lot of articles about this recently and in the past. I don't like the gnawing pain of hurt.
When you confide in someone, and then they turn against you, it is painful. That's happened to me on a number of occasions in life. In each situation, I truly thought I could trust the person with my confidences, but then I realized that wasn't the case. Yet in other situations, that didn't happen. For example, once I had a falling out with a good friend over a political issue. Rather than disregard and disrespect me, that friend was able to see it as one incident and not the totality of who I am or what I do. The confidences I shared with that person were saved and respected. That meant so much to me. Yet, in another instance, a falling out over one issue led to the loss of confidence for all issues--that was painful.
We hurt for all kinds of reasons from time to time. Some hurts are easier to take than others. Once, way back in college, a boyfriend broke up with me. I was hurt, but it was clear to see why that happened and although painful, it made sense to me when I considered the long run. There were a lot of good reasons to break up. There was little confusion about who the person was, and the confidences shared. I knew that respect for each other would remain so while painful, this hurt didn't come with the confusion and stress that other hurts have come with.
The worst hurts are those related to betrayal. You think all is well with you and another person, and then they turn on you. Why does betrayal happen. Fortunately I've experienced only a few betrayals in my life. In the first example, I always thought the person was holding something back in conversations, yet there was enough support and camaraderie to build confidence and disregard for those doubts in the back of my mind. Then when the person betrayed my trust, I realized I should have given those doubts more attention. I was foolish to dismiss that nagging voice in my head.
Tthe next betrayal is still not so easy to understand. I had high good regard for the individual and felt we had an honest relationship, but after a great personal hardship, the person changed quite a bit. I was exceptionally busy at the time. In hindsight, I probably should have thought more about her personal hardship and how that would affect our friendship. After the hardship, her choices were difficult to understand. I was honest in the face of those choices, and that honesty was not welcome, and in hindsight, I probably was insensitive given the situation. While I'm a big fan of honesty, sometimes the less said, the better.
In a more recent betrayal, similar to the past one, it seems that an individual's needs may have made it impossible for that person to understand where I was coming from or my intent. Sometimes our own personal situation blinds us to the experiences, expectations, and good will of others.
Hurt happens for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes we play a great or minor role in that hurt, and in other cases, we may not play a role at all. I think it is important to try to figure out why the hurt occurrs, and what role you played in the hurt. It's similarly important to make amends and do what you can to avoid or amend hurt that occurs, yet in some cases, you simply have to endure the hurt in ways that you can. If possible, it is helpful to divert the energy from hurt into positive actions and endeavor. And, of course, it is good to learn from issues that harm and hurt us so we don't repeat the situations.
Bottom line, we'll all get hurt in life from time to another. That's part of life no matter whether we like it or not. Onward.