The balance of living for yourself and living for others is a dance. Sometimes you need to step back and take the time you need to shore yourself up, sometimes you give 100% to others, and most of the time it is some time for self and some time for others.
As with all things, if we err on one side or the other, we risk challenges. For example if you don't take care of yourself or take your life mission seriously, you risk the inability to give or love others with the positivity possible. On the other hand, if you're too self-focused, you'll never receive the wonderful benefits related to doing for others. When we care for others we learn a lot from them, develop wonderful camaraderie, and get the tremendous satisfaction that comes with helping others.
That self versus others balance will be different for each of us, and this doesn't mean one equation is better than another. What helps us find the right balance?
How do you feel?
Do you feel energized, positive, healthy, and enthusiastic? How we feel tells us a lot about whether we are balancing our efforts well or not. When your contribution to others is just right, you feel great, but when your contribution is too little or too great, you may feel alienated or overwhelmed. Using your feelings to guide you in this arena is helpful.
What are you working for?
You have to consider what you are working for regularly. For example, old ways of helping loved ones may not work for new situations. The way you helped your children when they were young won't work when they are teens or adults. We have to continually update our helpways so that what we are doing is truly helpful with regard to current needs, interests and vision. It is good to make time regularly to write down your vision and update as needed so you know what you are working/living for.
Do your best skills and interests match your contribution?
Also, as we consider the balance, it is good to figure out if you've matched your skills, ability, and vision well to the needs, interests and vision you are working for. Sometimes we may overlook our best skills and interests, and instead make contributions of time and effort that don't represent the best of who we are. When we match the best of us to the contribution we do, we reach a very satisfying, positive level of contribution to others. For example, years ago my sister shared her great love of sport by giving my son admission to and training for a sprint triathlon. Essentially my sister shared her great love and knowledge of sport with my son, and that was a wonderfully valuable lifelong gift for my son who was in fifth grade at the time. What is the best of you, and how an you contribute that to elevate and enrich lives?
How does teamwork help you find the balance?
Working well with teams is a great way to learn more about who you are and how to strike the me versus us balance of contribution versus self-care. When you work with a team, you learn a lot and have the potential to make a greater impact. When you work with a team, you can support each other's needs to make time for themselves while contributing time and effort to others too.
In summary, you can't give to others if you don't care for yourself, and you can't care well for yourself if you don't take care of others in some way. Finding the best balance of self care versus care for others is a good goal for good living. Onward.