Over time families go through multiple transitions, and to keep family strong and connected during those transitions takes keen observation, listening, patience and respect. With each transition people move in and out of the family sphere in multiple ways. New people are added to the mix while others pass away or become distant.
Our big, extended family has acknowledged these transitions in many ways. There are celebrations to recognize some transitions such as birthdays and weddings. There are funerals when people pass and family reunions and meet-ups to see one another and take part in long held family traditions.
These transitions can create angst too particularly when the changes challenge long held traditions, beliefs, personal interests and choices. I remember way back when one of my siblings and I experienced some significant conflict over how we were raising our children--our practices related to child rearing differed in significant, obvious and conflicting ways. My parents didn't take sides and our differences challenged family gatherings. At one point, I decided to shift some of my practices so this difference wasn't challenged as much or as conflicting for the greater family--that was a good decision which spelled better relations over time.
For some transitions, we simply have to decide to step aside and let others lead the change. For all kinds of reasons we may not be in the position to lead and that's when we decide to follow. We also have to be careful about comparing ourselves to others and the jealousy that can arise when we do that. I learned that difficult lesson long ago as a young adult when I found myself comparing my life to the lives of my friends. Rather than enjoying my friends' triumphs at the time, I found myself somewhat jealous and angry about it. I missed out on a lot of great experiences and good friendship due to that response, and learned that over time that we'll all have a lot of wins and losses, and we can broaden our life experience and value by enjoying our friends' and family members' wins and advantages rather than finding fault with that or being jealous. Similarly we can share our advantages and wins with others too to let them experience and enjoy who we are and what we have too. There's great pleasure in sharing the wealth of time, interests, skills and capacity that we have with others.
I know that it is a time of rapid family transition for me since the elders in our large, extended family are reaching their final years, the seniors are making many significant life changes, the young adults are partnering, getting married and will likely have children soon, and due to COVID and other worldwide and personal events, there's a lot of lifestyle transitions going on out there.
So how can I rightly deal with all this fast moving transition--what can I do?
Stay in contact
Staying connected, but not overconnecting, is a key ingredient to successful transitioning. When we let too much time get in the way, we may lose the good connections we have. On the other hand, when we demand too much contact and overconnect, we risk diluting the good relationships we enjoy.
Share your wealth
We all have wealth of some kind. Some people have a wealth of talents, others have a wealth of place, some have financial health, and others have wealth of time, objects, and/or skill. Whatever our wealth is, find ways to share it. A friend of mine recently discussed this sharing of wealth as one's "love language" - the way you show your love to others. I like this concept and want to think more about how I can share my wealth and what my "love language" is.
Sensitivity, empathy and compassion
Life can be difficult for us in many ways. Some face health struggles, others face financial woes, and still more may face relationship, environmental or work issues. We have to be attuned to the struggles our loved ones face, and while we most often can't solve our loved ones' challenges, we can be sensitive, empathetic and compassionate towards them offering what help we can to mitigate their sorrows and struggles.
Good times
I'm a big believer in good times--making the time and place to celebrate is important to good living. To recognize the good fortune and accomplishments of others is critical to good living.
Contribution
When we live for others, we live a better life. We have to find the ways that we can contribute to the common good and have a regular routine off that kind of contribution in order to keep family life strong and weather the transitions that occur.
Family transitions will occur. If we are sensitive and thoughtful to the challenges and opportunities those transitions present, we will live good lives. Onward.