I coached myself to be ready for an emotional situation. I was ready, but when I met with the situation it only took a few words to ignite an emotional explosion. Why did this happen?
First, the words were potent--words that belittled me in ways that were harmful and hurtful. I'm tired of those words--words that narrowly define me in ways that disrespect who I am and what I do. The speaker was not intending to hurt me, but instead speaking words mired in outdated prejudices mostly related to women. I simply said, "I don't want to hear words that like again." He heard me.
Next, as I encountered the situation, it was so clear that my capacity was trapped by inaction, lack of communication, and less planning and preparation. What's possible here is amazing, but what's happening is not living up to that potential. That's frustrating and I let people know it.
I've tried a long list of strategies to create the sense of a well-oiled, proactive, responsive team in this situation, and while that's worked from time to time, it's never worked in the ways I hope for. Mostly, I am able to accept that fact, but when I see glaring examples of the effects that less teamwork create, it is ever so frustrating since just a bit more teamwork would create a more fluid, responsive, positive situation--just a little more.
I experienced this same situation at school. I was often so hopeful for greater teamwork and programming that met the tremendous potential that existed, and often I was disappointed that we didn't reach that potential due to multiple factors including investment, good communication, and lack of teamwork. When our teamwork, communication, and investment did meet the mark, we reached the vision we hoped for, and that was so satisfying and productive in beneficial ways for all.
I've thought about this situation often. One piece of advice I've yet to accept is the advice that I have to cajole the power brokers involved. I've yet to use the kind of cajoling that props up an individual's ego to promote the teamwork possible. I am happy to use positive, truthful praise, but I won't use untruthful praise and bogus ego-stroking to get what I want. Many suggest that approach, but I believe that approach promotes more prejudicial and demeaning behaviors. I've seen the ways some cajole to get what they want, and I don't like that.
When we explode due to emotions, it's important to review what lead up to the explosion. In this instance, it's clearly an emotional situation with no easy answers. Everyone involved is challenged by what's going on, and everyone involved is also living a somewhat different life with their own challenges, dreams, responsibilities, schedules, and strengths. I believe that everyone involved would define the situation at hand and teamwork in general in different ways. What I think is a good working team I'm sure differs from what the other team members believe. We've never had a chance to talk about that, and I don't think we ever will due to people's differing mindsets related to the situation--mindsets that are neither wrong or right, but instead mindsets that differ.
The explosion allowed me to express what I was feeling which is good. The words I used didn't cross the line (thank goodness!) and cleared the air in many ways. Sometimes an explosion like that can lead one to a better place if the words and related actions don't cause any significant harm. Yet, for the most part, explosions like this are not positive and should occur infrequently if ever. Onward.