What do you do in the face of hate? I have been fortunate to not experience hate that often in life, but I do experience that emotion now and then, and I'm thinking about how I react to that.
In the old days, I'd react with anger and outbursts. I couldn't stand for anyone hating me with words, passivity, or actions, but now I am curious about hate. Where did it come from? Why does it persist? How can I react to it in ways that don't inflame that acrid emotion?
We all feel hate from time to time. It is a feeling of revulsion, a signal that something is not right, and a sign that change of some kind is required. Some hate is inherited via the words, emotions, and actions of those closest to us. We have to get underneath that hate and recognize where it comes from and if it is legitimate or not. Most hate is not legitimate as most hate comes from long-held prejudices with roots in inhumane, ignorant, or circumstantial situations that became more bitter and hateful over time.
For example, as a child, I heard hateful statements about various cultures, races, and religions. As a teen and adult, I began learning about the roots and illegitimacy of that hate at school, via reading, and through conversations with family members and friends. I work to deconstruct the hate I inherited.
I also experienced hate from people who didn't understand me or held prejudices against me because of my appearance, background, race, culture, religion, gender, and more. In cases like that, I worked to not take the hate personally, and if possible, educate the haters about who I am and why that hate was unfounded and wrong.
And there's been hate born from finding myself in people's very personal spaces--spaces I didn't understand and spaces so tender that anyone who treads there is likely to stir up terrible hate and torment. In cases like that, I've tried to make amends in multiple ways. I've been successful at times and unsuccessful at times. Fortunately this kind of hate has been rare.
In general, hate's only positive factor is that it wakes us up and calls us to act against such a strong and distasteful emotion. To counter hate with hate is never a right move, but to counter hate with understanding, care, love, and curiosity is always a right move. Take a hard look at hate and those that carry hate with them, and then do what you can to deconstruct that hate. Your first attempts to dismantle the mighty force of hate will likely fail, but over time, you may succeed.
Long ago, a young man reacted to me with great hate after a tragedy struck. I used a few strong words in return and put some space between me and the young man for a while. Then in time, and with a number of positive, peaceful actions, I was able to be at peace with the young man again. While not completely eradicated due to the strong roots of his hate, I can see now that the hate has dissipated quite a bit--he's at greater peace now, and I'm rarely if ever, the object of his hate. I can see now that his hate was born out of a number of adverse events, events out of his control, but events that hurt him deeply. Loving acts by many as well as his own ambition to rid himself of hate have made a significant difference in his life.
The words of Martin Luther King, Jr. ring strong when it comes to hate. He said:
These are words that we are wise to follow.