A good friend was mired in denial about an important life matter; and this denial led to resistance related to the help available. Why did this happen? Why does this happen?
In my own life, I've resisted paths of betterment simply because I didn't want to deal with all the bad news now and in the past related to tough situations. It's seemingly a lot easier simply to deny the reality of the situation, yet it's not a lot better when you take the long view.
We all know that it is really challenging to face tough situations. If you face a challenge of any kind that makes life tough, there's an inclination to simply bury that challenge and focus on other matters. Sometimes this strategy is not so bad. For example, if you obsess about tough situations and never put those tough situations aside, you'll never be able to enjoy life, but if you completely ignore tough situations that impact your life in troubling ways, you'll ultimately succumb to the great pain and sadness these struggles create.
So how do you lean into struggle and challenge in healthy, positive ways.
First, it is important to fully understand the situation. For example, a friend recently asked me a question about a challenge she is facing. Her question demonstrated that she was just beginning to take a long-held struggle and challenge seriously. For the first time, she has been able to consider the impact of this struggle on her life. Before this, I believe, she simply didn't have the time or inclination to focus on this reality. So, make time to fully understand your struggle.
Next, get some help. Good counselors are trained and ready to help you dissect situations in order to find meaning, understanding, and strategies to reduce or eliminate struggles. We are often too close to our own struggles to see those struggles objectively. I remember once when I met with a counselor to discuss a struggle. The more we met, the more the details of the struggle became clear, and as those details became clear, I was much more able to find successful strategies for dealing with the struggle. For struggles that are less intense, simply talking to friends and family members may help--they can be that outside view that helps you to see the situation clearly.
Then, act. Make a map of the actions you'll take to overcome the struggle you face or at least find a good place for that struggle in your life. Some struggles don't go away, but you can fit those struggles into your life successfully. Other struggles are mitigated by positive action. Creating a realistic, doable plan with reflection and check-in points as well as periodic celebrations for the small wins and progress made is a good strategy for effective change.
Denial rarely does us any good and resisting the need for change doesn't do us any good either. Denial and resistance often go hand-in-hand creating destructive patterns in our lives. Instead work for understanding and effective effort--that's a much more dynamic and successful pair. Onward.