Has anyone ever tried to prove you were wrong? It is an interesting situation when that happens. I remember many years ago when a team of educational administrators tried to prove me wrong when a number of colleagues and I proposed a new grade level model. It began with their stance. They entered the room together with smug looks on their face sending a message that said, "We know a lot more than you." Then they began to question the proposal. One administrator pointed out some statistical mistakes. He correctly identified a few numbers that were incorrect. I accepted that correction as he was right, but I also noted that the way he made the corrections came with a lot of demeaning attitude and smugness. Yet, he was correct--the numbers were wrong, however, that error had little to do with the emphasis of the proposal. Then another administrator questioned our intent with the proposal inferring that we were making the proposal to negate our responsibility to the children and increase our personal gain instead. That was a direct insult because if you considered our tenure, time-on-task, past accomplishments, and the intent of the proposal with truth, you would know that was not the case. Essentially the team came ready to prove us, and particularly me, wrong. Fortunately I had done my homework and my colleagues had worked with me and helped me hone the proposal in important ways. We knew that our intent was to improve the quality of education for the children, and in the end, the proposal was accepted. The model is still in place many years later.
When people try to prove you wrong, it is an uncomfortable situation, yet it is also a situation that typically holds some truth. With respect to the example above, the administrator who called out the error in the statistics was correct, and pointing to that error helped us to make needed corrections to better the model. So you can't simply discount an individual who is trying to prove you wrong. Instead you have to heed the argument carefully to cull the truth of the matter and discount the errors in the argument.
Recently an individual tried to prove me wrong on a number of issues. As we talked, I listened carefully to the arguments made. As with every discussion like this, there was a considerable amount of truth in the words and scenarios used. After that, I thought about what the individual was really trying to say as it wasn't so much about the specific errors mentioned, but more about a general way of being or attitude. Essentially the person's argument was let me live my own life--don't give me all that advice. I was overstepping, and I needed to back off, listen more, and let that person come to me if they wanted advice, but not offer the advice upfront.
That led me to wonder why some of us are quick to offer advice. I had that experience recently. A friend was continuously offering me advice without listening to my story or situation. The advice offered clearly demonstrated that they didn't hear a word I said. This good friend meant no harm, but instead wanted the best for me. The advice was well rooted and I could tell the person simply didn't have space in her mind to let my stories or experiences in. She was in the midst of a too-busy, too-tangled life way at this moment so she simply offered what she could at that time.
Usually when we get advice we don't want, it's because people have not taken the time to truly listen to the words we say or observe the situation we're in. As for the individual trying to prove me wrong, it's likely that she was saying, you haven't heard me and you don't really know where I'm at at this time, and as for the person who offered me a lot of unsolicited advice, her words likely meant, I don't have the mental space to hear you right now--my life is a tangled web and too busy at this time.
In summary, there is always some truth in the matter when someone tries to prove you wrong. That's why it's a good idea to assess the situation and figure out the larger meaning. There's also some error in the matter when someone is trying to prove you wrong--it's likely they may not have truly listened to what you have to say or looked at the situation from your point of view. This is another reason why it's important to reflect on the words spoken. Onward.