I was an unhappy teen. There were some good times, but overall during my teen years, I was unhappy. Looking back there were many good reasons for that including the following.
Unpopular looks
As a young woman, my physicality was ridiculed by society. Twiggy was the model of the moment, and I looked nothing like Twiggy. It was difficult to find clothes that fit me well or that felt comfortable on me. I didn't feel worthy due to this ridicule.
Unpopular interests
My interests and passions were strong, and while somewhat supported, in general, those closest to me didn't value my interests and passions with strength. My loved ones' desire for me was quite narrow--they wanted me to marry an older, wealthy man and have children. I also wanted to get married and have children, but I had many other interests too, and in hindsight, I would have loved to have more of that "concerted cultivation" that Gladwell discusses in his book, Outliers. In my early days, days before our house became a busy household of six children and two adults, I did have a lot of concerted cultivation by attending a top-notch Natural History Museum preschool, taking art lessons at the local museum, attending dance lessons, and going on countless day trips with my family. Later, church groups and school also engaged me with many awesome experiences, but looking back it would have been great if someone had really talked to me about what I loved to do and how I could hone those skills and interests more. That would have led me to more like-minded peers and positively challenging experiences in my passion areas.
Health and cognition
Looking back, I did suffer from breathing issues which affected my physicality. Later in life, a somewhat simple medical procedure cured that and greatly improved my life. That reminds me that it's important to look deeply at children's medical issues and solve them if possible. That said, the fact that parents didn't over-worry about all the health concerns we experienced as children made us hardy which has been an awesome trait to have. Also with regards to health, it's important to understand a child's mental health and educational profile too. The more you understand how a child experiences the world around them and learns, the better you will be able to support them. The world of mindsets and education are continually changing--we are learning more all the time, and there are still children who are very difficult to understand. Yet, it's good to understand who your children are in terms of health and cognition as much as possible in order to support them well. As a student, learning generally came easy to me. That meant that I was basically left alone at school. It would have been better if I had been positively challenged to reach so that school wasn't so easy, but instead was a place where I learned to learn well and hone my interests, skills, and knowledge. Also, when I was young, girls were mostly on the sidelines of sports teams, and it would have been positive to have sports access equal to boys and girls as it is now in many places.
Work
When I was young, having a job was greatly valued. I had a job where I learned a lot, but it wasn't the kind of job that promoted greater happiness as a teen. I worked with some tough guys who ridiculed me often and the climate of the office wasn't healthy. Yet, I did learn a lot of good skills that I've used throughout my life and I was productively engaged everyday after school. Jobs are great teachers for young people, and I think it's best to have a good balance of work and healthy recreation.
Responsibility
I always loved the idea of being a second-mom in our busy house. I loved taking care of my younger siblings, and was always telling my mom what to do (God bless Mom with a daughter like that). That responsibility taught me a lot, but at times it was frustrating to have responsibility with little power or control.
Busy
As a teen I was busy, busy, busy with many high school classes, work after school every day, at-home responsibilities, and many outside of school activities and clubs. In hindsight, I may have been too busy although that kept me out of trouble.
As a mom, I've thought about what made me unhappy as a teen often, and as a mom, I've tried to raise my children a bit differently using Gladwell's concerted cultivation notion as much as possible. Of course, as a parent, you're never perfect--you can always look back and see ways to do it better, but overall, I do believe that concerted cultivation is the right way to raise children. Children come to us with their unique profiles and to discover and support those unique profiles is a positive way to parent. As parents we have to accept that our children will take us down paths we'd never thought we'd travel and we have to be open to that journey. While open to the many journeys my children will take me on, I also want to keep our main values alive with a focus on ethics, contribution, honesty, care, and love. I want those values to continue.
I was an unhappy teen. Many teens are unhappy as it's a self-discovery time of life, the time of life when you begin to move away from your parents and siblings into your own life. I do believe, however, if we make time to pay a lot of positive attention to our teens and what they need, we will help them to choose well and build happy lives. Onward.