I've spent time with five nonagenarians lately. Being with these people who have lived into their 90's has been an education for me. Each of these individuals has experienced significant losses. All of them have lost their spouses--spouses they lived with for more than 50 years. Some have lost children and some have children who live far away from them. Each of these nonagenarians lives a different lifestyle.
Two of the four have moved to assisted living facilities, one lives at home, and another lives in an assisted living home for part of the year and her own home for the other part of the year. No one decision appears to be better or worse, but instead the decisions seem to match who the people are and what they want out of life. Those who live in assisted living facilities seem to be somewhat more independent than those at home since they have the built-in sociability and support that can be helpful when you are in your nineties.
All of these 90-plus individuals are loving and they all have a sense of humor. A couple of them are intent on living in youthful, modern ways. For example one individual did not want to talk about the past at all, but wanted to direct the conversation towards current events, the arts, and social events instead. This individual sported up-to-date dress and lived in a modern, well-cared for apartment in a facility that offered countless activities and social events. In meeting with this old friend, I missed conversing about the past, but I could also see the positivity related to focusing on the present and embracing the stage you're in.
Several of these nonagenarians displayed excellent memories and minds. They clearly wanted to impart their wisdom in sensitive ways that are helpful when it comes to living your best life. I loved hearing their stories and valued their wisdom. They have given me some important insights with regard to aging well.
And, I've heard many, many stories from the past from these individuals. Stories that have helped me to understand my family and the world more. I love the old stories and wish we could bring to life again some of the old ways that created strong, loving communities.
None of these nonagenarians are without struggle--they've all experienced significant losses related to people they love and capacities they enjoyed in earlier years. For example many suffer from some physical limitations and some suffer cognitive losses too. You do pay a price for living so long, but you also get to enjoy connecting to family and friends in countless positive ways too.
How do we nurture communities that value aging in positive, enriching ways? How can we prepare ourselves to age well too. I'll continue to think about these questions as I spend time with these loving, wise, good people--people who are teachers and caregivers to me. Onward.