As I think ahead to celebrations and life changes, I am also cognizant of regrets. Thanks to the care of a loving family and warm neighborhood, schools, and places of employment, I don't have a lot of life regrets. I've profited from the wise tutelage of so many throughout my life. Nevertheless I do have some regrets, regrets that have similarly been good teachers to me.
When Friends and Family Trouble You, Take a Vacation Rather Than Severing Ties
There have been times in my life when friends and family have tried my patience and challenged who I am in ways that made me very angry and sad. In a few cases, I severed ties. Instead, I've learned that it is much better to simply take a vacation from each other when relationships are challenged rather than sever ties. Naturally in life we move away from and towards each other dependent on life's events, and there will be times where friends and family members see life with very different lenses. I suggest that's when it's time to take a vacation from one another rather than sever ties.
Don't Judge
It's so easy to judge one another quickly, but similar to that powerful iceberg image that so many use today to illustrate the unseen depth of individuals, events, and issues, we never truly know one another, and it's never a good idea to judge too quickly. Instead, meet people with curiosity, interest, and an open mind--watch what they do, engage in conversation, and be willing to often just let things be without judgement or criticism. Life is a mysterious journey and we never exactly know how all the pieces fit together.
Speak Up
As many have said, I rarely regret speaking up in times of trouble or importance, and I do regret not speaking up when a few words may have supported needed change or action. If you speak up with empathy and respect, and acknowledge you don't have all the answers, your words will be heard and may make a significant difference.
Go Hard on the Problem, Not the People
This is an important lesson I learned from reading the book, Getting to Yes, Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In. If you didn't grow up with this lesson, it's a difficult one to embed into your everyday actions and efforts, but it's a critical component of living well and making a difference.
Simplicity Typically Trumps Extravagance
Once in a while extravagance is important, but when you look back on life, it's typically the simple moments, events, and objects that bring the most pleasure. Most extravagances you spend lots of money and time on are easily forgotten. It's better to save your money for the simple pleasure, objects, and contributions that significantly elevate your life and the lives of others.
You Can't Do It All or Be It All
We are tiny in time and place--none of us know it all or can be it all. There are truly some amongst us that have tremendous gifts and whose contribution is timed just right so that their gifts and the world's needs create a perfect synergy of contribution and impact. Typically though we all bring to life some wonderful gifts and some trying challenges too, and it's in our best interests to give when and where we can and to work to mitigate our challenges as well as we can. It's also critical that we join with others so we build the "collective genius" that so many discuss and combine our gifts in ways that make good impact together. Together we need to help each other with our challenges too--perhaps I can help a friend whose challenge is my gift and visa versa.
Treasure The Great Gifts, People, and Places That Are Yours
It's cliche, but too often we take for granted the great people, places, gifts, and moments of our lives--we all have to stop often to treasure these great gifts. We can't take each other for granted and we do have to embrace the places and events in our lives that bring us joy and meaning.
Every regret has become a lesson. And if we can learn from life's challenges, we will be better for it.
When Friends and Family Trouble You, Take a Vacation Rather Than Severing Ties
There have been times in my life when friends and family have tried my patience and challenged who I am in ways that made me very angry and sad. In a few cases, I severed ties. Instead, I've learned that it is much better to simply take a vacation from each other when relationships are challenged rather than sever ties. Naturally in life we move away from and towards each other dependent on life's events, and there will be times where friends and family members see life with very different lenses. I suggest that's when it's time to take a vacation from one another rather than sever ties.
Don't Judge
It's so easy to judge one another quickly, but similar to that powerful iceberg image that so many use today to illustrate the unseen depth of individuals, events, and issues, we never truly know one another, and it's never a good idea to judge too quickly. Instead, meet people with curiosity, interest, and an open mind--watch what they do, engage in conversation, and be willing to often just let things be without judgement or criticism. Life is a mysterious journey and we never exactly know how all the pieces fit together.
Speak Up
As many have said, I rarely regret speaking up in times of trouble or importance, and I do regret not speaking up when a few words may have supported needed change or action. If you speak up with empathy and respect, and acknowledge you don't have all the answers, your words will be heard and may make a significant difference.
Go Hard on the Problem, Not the People
This is an important lesson I learned from reading the book, Getting to Yes, Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In. If you didn't grow up with this lesson, it's a difficult one to embed into your everyday actions and efforts, but it's a critical component of living well and making a difference.
Simplicity Typically Trumps Extravagance
Once in a while extravagance is important, but when you look back on life, it's typically the simple moments, events, and objects that bring the most pleasure. Most extravagances you spend lots of money and time on are easily forgotten. It's better to save your money for the simple pleasure, objects, and contributions that significantly elevate your life and the lives of others.
You Can't Do It All or Be It All
We are tiny in time and place--none of us know it all or can be it all. There are truly some amongst us that have tremendous gifts and whose contribution is timed just right so that their gifts and the world's needs create a perfect synergy of contribution and impact. Typically though we all bring to life some wonderful gifts and some trying challenges too, and it's in our best interests to give when and where we can and to work to mitigate our challenges as well as we can. It's also critical that we join with others so we build the "collective genius" that so many discuss and combine our gifts in ways that make good impact together. Together we need to help each other with our challenges too--perhaps I can help a friend whose challenge is my gift and visa versa.
Treasure The Great Gifts, People, and Places That Are Yours
It's cliche, but too often we take for granted the great people, places, gifts, and moments of our lives--we all have to stop often to treasure these great gifts. We can't take each other for granted and we do have to embrace the places and events in our lives that bring us joy and meaning.
Every regret has become a lesson. And if we can learn from life's challenges, we will be better for it.