The child would not cooperate as the others created rectangular prisms of varied volumes. The teacher watched. Instead the child continued typing on her chromebook lost in her own world. "Ally, why won't you make the prisms?" the teacher asked.
"I don't want to," Ally replied without looking up. The teacher watched some more and thought about it.
"Ally before I push you to make the prisms, I want to understand why you won't make them. That will help me know what to say or do?"
"Ms. Jay," Ally responded, "My grandmother is in the hospital. She's very sick. I know that if I write this letter, she will feel better. She tells me that every time she reads one of my letters, she feels better. I want to make her better."
"Oh," Ms. Jay responded, "Now I understand. I'm glad I asked. Would you like me to read over the letter with you when you are done so I can understand better how wonderful your letters are."
"Yes, that would be so nice, Ms. Jay."
The teacher was happy that she didn't push Ally to complete the task. She was pleased with herself for taking the time to observe and ask questions.
Sometimes one will seem to be uncooperative. There can be many reasons for a lack of collaboration and cooperation, and it's important that before we judge, we look deeply at what's happening by asking the following questions:
"I don't want to," Ally replied without looking up. The teacher watched some more and thought about it.
"Ally before I push you to make the prisms, I want to understand why you won't make them. That will help me know what to say or do?"
"Ms. Jay," Ally responded, "My grandmother is in the hospital. She's very sick. I know that if I write this letter, she will feel better. She tells me that every time she reads one of my letters, she feels better. I want to make her better."
"Oh," Ms. Jay responded, "Now I understand. I'm glad I asked. Would you like me to read over the letter with you when you are done so I can understand better how wonderful your letters are."
"Yes, that would be so nice, Ms. Jay."
The teacher was happy that she didn't push Ally to complete the task. She was pleased with herself for taking the time to observe and ask questions.
Sometimes one will seem to be uncooperative. There can be many reasons for a lack of collaboration and cooperation, and it's important that before we judge, we look deeply at what's happening by asking the following questions:
- What is the seemingly uncooperative individual doing instead and why?
- Why doesn't the individual want to take part in the task--what's holding him or her back?
- When is the individual cooperative?
- How can the efforts we foster invite more cooperation?
- When is it important to put aside our own quests to join with others in cooperation and collective efforts?
We shy away from cooperation for many reasons too. We may feel that we have nothing to offer. We may see the task as one that leads to struggle and compromising emotions and actions. We may be focused on other tasks and commitments that are more important to us at the time. We may not feel welcome, respected, or acknowledged by the team.
In the classroom when a child is uncooperative from time to time, it's important to pay attention and make a decision about whether his/her cooperation is important at that interval. When a child is consistently uncooperative, it's time to dig a bit deeper and examine more why the child is not contributing to the group. Generally children know themselves well and if they trust that you have their best interests in mind, they'll let you know why they are having difficulty cooperating.
In the school when educators and other staff are not cooperative, it's time to look deeper too. Rather than chastise, it's time to say, I notice that you seem uncooperative at this time, what's holding you back? When you ask, you have to be ready to listen carefully, empathize, and ask more questions. For example, if an educator says that he/she has nothing to offer, you may have to point out why you think that person would be a valuable member of the team or task. If the educator complains about the processes used, you may have to ask more questions and think about whether the processes truly do limit good work, voice, choice, or leadership, and work with the educator to make good change or to convince the educator that what he/she sees is actually not what's happening.
To simply label an individual uncooperative is not enough. Instead we have to look deeply and figure out what's leading to that lack of camaraderie when it comes to collective efforts. This is yet one more important aspect of teaching and leading well.