I'm anticipating a holiday season marked by growing pains--the pains of lost loved ones and family changes. In the past many years, our family's holidays have been marked by traditional events where most of our loved ones were able to join together to celebrate, and this year there are a number of both expected and unexpected changes.
It is the first holiday season in a long time where two of our most beloved members will be gone. They died in the past year, and will be missed by all greatly. The last time I celebrated a holiday after the death of a loved one was a long time ago--a time when I was much younger and those who passed were more distant from me. The losses this year are greater.
It is also a holiday season marked by many, many family changes--changes in school, relationships, abilities, and more. These changes have prompted some difficult decisions about time and place--where do we want to be, where do we need to be, and who do we need and want to be with? For me, the challenge is that I want to be in multiple places at the same time, and that's just not possible so I had to choose what's best at this point in time.
My mom has always had good advice at times like these. She has always allowed for people to go where they need to go and do what they need to do. She never added too much pressure at the holidays with regard to strict traditions or expectations. Yet when we don't adhere to traditions, those traditions can weaken and even pass, so there's a need to support traditions to make sure those traditions continue.
Distance also plays a bigger role as lives become more complicated and we age. It's not too difficult for a twenty-something to hop a plane or train to travel over the holidays, but it is difficult for people as they get older to easily travel long distances, and that's a complicating factor too.
At this transitory holiday time, I want to promote the good holiday spirit and traditions from the past. While I can't be everywhere, I can be somewhere and with me I can bring the traditions, spirit, and energy that I cherish from holidays past--traditions, spirit, and energy that included the following:
It is the first holiday season in a long time where two of our most beloved members will be gone. They died in the past year, and will be missed by all greatly. The last time I celebrated a holiday after the death of a loved one was a long time ago--a time when I was much younger and those who passed were more distant from me. The losses this year are greater.
It is also a holiday season marked by many, many family changes--changes in school, relationships, abilities, and more. These changes have prompted some difficult decisions about time and place--where do we want to be, where do we need to be, and who do we need and want to be with? For me, the challenge is that I want to be in multiple places at the same time, and that's just not possible so I had to choose what's best at this point in time.
My mom has always had good advice at times like these. She has always allowed for people to go where they need to go and do what they need to do. She never added too much pressure at the holidays with regard to strict traditions or expectations. Yet when we don't adhere to traditions, those traditions can weaken and even pass, so there's a need to support traditions to make sure those traditions continue.
Distance also plays a bigger role as lives become more complicated and we age. It's not too difficult for a twenty-something to hop a plane or train to travel over the holidays, but it is difficult for people as they get older to easily travel long distances, and that's a complicating factor too.
At this transitory holiday time, I want to promote the good holiday spirit and traditions from the past. While I can't be everywhere, I can be somewhere and with me I can bring the traditions, spirit, and energy that I cherish from holidays past--traditions, spirit, and energy that included the following:
- readying the home to welcome those who will celebrate with us
- casting a wide net to include those who desire to be here
- making sure those closest to me have a place to celebrate and people to celebrate with
- adding some special touches to make the holidays special, special touches such as including family members in special events that bridge the gap of time and place and updating traditions to include the best of the past and what's positive for the future too.
In the end, I am reminded that we have to cherish the good times with the people we love when they happen, and we have to make sure that we reach out to make those good times happen. We also have to honor our older relatives and family members, the ones who kept the traditions alive and families tight as we were growing up, and we have to lay a path for positive family gatherings into the future too.
I vaguely remember a period like this when I was a young adult. There were a lot of changes in our extended family and the holiday traditions shifted. I only remember this vaguely since as a young adult, I simply showed up and helped out as needed. Now as a mom of a changing family, the responsibility is a bit greater as there are more changes to navigate. It's a time where I feel pulled in a number of directions, and there's no easy way make a peaceful change, yet I'll seek a good path of continuing the traditions of old while also creating some new traditions as well. Onward.