What does it take to build strong, loving families? What's important?
I'm thinking about this today as I'm hunkered down in a warm home on a stormy, snowy day. I've talked to many loved ones in many different places this morning as I've thought about this question, and as I talked, I asked, Is there anything you need?
Strong families rely on listening. That's not always easy. It's important to listen to your loved ones and hear what they are saying with their words, tone, and responses. Sometimes the meaning of the actual words are not what a loved one is saying, sometimes it's what's behind those words that is more important. For example, a worried loved one recently talked to me about an issue, but when I got off the phone and thought about that loved one's words, I realized what they really wanted to express was something much deeper and problematic--a need that was difficult to discuss. I could have been more empathetic in light of this, but at the time, I didn't understand that depth.
Strong families rely on communication--we have to stay in touch, know what's going on, and offer our support and care as we can. Lack of communication creates distance and too much distance can create divides that are difficult to bridge.
Strong families rely on shared dreams. When families identify what matters to them as a group, they foster strength. For example many of my family members like to hike and a shared hike once a year is something that people look forward to and enjoy. In a sense, planning that shared hike once a year is a shared dream--something everyone looks forward to. Greater and deeper dreams that families may reach for are shared savings and investment in education, homes, adventures, and more. Shared dreams and common goals are positive drivers for strong families.
Strong families enjoy traditions. Establishing family traditions gives people something good to look forward to and plan and work together for. These traditions don't have to be elaborate affairs, instead they can be as simple as a Sunday dinner once a month to celebrate all the family birthdays in that month. Other traditions can be a weekly card game, sports event, or recreation. Establishing good traditions keeps families strong.
Strong families don't take each other for granted. Too often families become weak when they begin to take each other for granted--they don't make time to listen to one another, share time, or acknowledge each others needs or desires. A good friend of mine lost her loved one this weekend--I know how much this friend cared for her sibling, and how painful this must be for her and her family members. Because she didn't take her loved one for granted, she has many good times to look back on and wonderful memories to hold on to as she grieves her family member's passing. Had she not been as loving, caring, or aware of her sibling, I'm sure this process would be so much more difficult, but instead, she can include her sibling's loved ones in her future and continue to share the good times as well as the memories that are well established.
Strong families recalibrate. When families get stressed, it means it's time for recalibration. To recalibrate is to re-look at the structures in place that work and those that don't work anymore. For me as a mother of young adults that means changing the ways I work with them--I'm not in charge anymore now that they are navigating their own lives. Instead we're much more of a team that finds and nurtures our common goals and pursuits with respect for each other's individual paths and directions. We need to recalibrate with our siblings, parents, cousins, and friends too as we get older and as our relationships, capacity, needs, and longings change.
Strong families forgive. When we're down or challenged, it's likely that we might strike out at family members first. We may use harsh words or ignore one another as we mirror our own struggles in our relationships with others. To be a strong family means that we forgive each other for our errors and poor behavior towards one another. We acknowledge each other's shortcomings, hurt, and pain as we move forward with empathy, care, and support.
Strong families are integral to a good life. I define family with the broadest definition of those you care the most for and those that you bond together with to live your life. It doesn't matter to me what your family looks like or who is included, but instead what matters to me is that you do have a group of people in your life that you consider your family--people who you nurture and enjoy, and people who nurture and enjoy your company in return.
On this MLK weekend of reflection, I'm thinking about my role in the family. I'm thinking about what's strong and what can be stronger and better. I'm also wondering about how I might recalibrate my energy, time, and connection in ways that matter as my big, loving family evolves in time and place.
I wonder what you might add to this post. I imagine some might say that strong families rely on a strong, shared faith. I know that was true of me growing up and that made a positive difference. Others may say that strong families depend on strong, shared service to others--that's positive too, and something I want to think about more as my work and everyday family demands lessen. Still more may say that strong families have open doors to those who are left out and need a family to love and be apart of--that's been on my mind as I read the sad news about so many foster children left out of family life in our state.
If you have more to add to this post, please share as I believe this is an integral topic when it comes to living a good life for self and others. Do you agree?
I'm thinking about this today as I'm hunkered down in a warm home on a stormy, snowy day. I've talked to many loved ones in many different places this morning as I've thought about this question, and as I talked, I asked, Is there anything you need?
Strong families rely on listening. That's not always easy. It's important to listen to your loved ones and hear what they are saying with their words, tone, and responses. Sometimes the meaning of the actual words are not what a loved one is saying, sometimes it's what's behind those words that is more important. For example, a worried loved one recently talked to me about an issue, but when I got off the phone and thought about that loved one's words, I realized what they really wanted to express was something much deeper and problematic--a need that was difficult to discuss. I could have been more empathetic in light of this, but at the time, I didn't understand that depth.
Strong families rely on communication--we have to stay in touch, know what's going on, and offer our support and care as we can. Lack of communication creates distance and too much distance can create divides that are difficult to bridge.
Strong families rely on shared dreams. When families identify what matters to them as a group, they foster strength. For example many of my family members like to hike and a shared hike once a year is something that people look forward to and enjoy. In a sense, planning that shared hike once a year is a shared dream--something everyone looks forward to. Greater and deeper dreams that families may reach for are shared savings and investment in education, homes, adventures, and more. Shared dreams and common goals are positive drivers for strong families.
Strong families enjoy traditions. Establishing family traditions gives people something good to look forward to and plan and work together for. These traditions don't have to be elaborate affairs, instead they can be as simple as a Sunday dinner once a month to celebrate all the family birthdays in that month. Other traditions can be a weekly card game, sports event, or recreation. Establishing good traditions keeps families strong.
Strong families don't take each other for granted. Too often families become weak when they begin to take each other for granted--they don't make time to listen to one another, share time, or acknowledge each others needs or desires. A good friend of mine lost her loved one this weekend--I know how much this friend cared for her sibling, and how painful this must be for her and her family members. Because she didn't take her loved one for granted, she has many good times to look back on and wonderful memories to hold on to as she grieves her family member's passing. Had she not been as loving, caring, or aware of her sibling, I'm sure this process would be so much more difficult, but instead, she can include her sibling's loved ones in her future and continue to share the good times as well as the memories that are well established.
Strong families recalibrate. When families get stressed, it means it's time for recalibration. To recalibrate is to re-look at the structures in place that work and those that don't work anymore. For me as a mother of young adults that means changing the ways I work with them--I'm not in charge anymore now that they are navigating their own lives. Instead we're much more of a team that finds and nurtures our common goals and pursuits with respect for each other's individual paths and directions. We need to recalibrate with our siblings, parents, cousins, and friends too as we get older and as our relationships, capacity, needs, and longings change.
Strong families forgive. When we're down or challenged, it's likely that we might strike out at family members first. We may use harsh words or ignore one another as we mirror our own struggles in our relationships with others. To be a strong family means that we forgive each other for our errors and poor behavior towards one another. We acknowledge each other's shortcomings, hurt, and pain as we move forward with empathy, care, and support.
Strong families are integral to a good life. I define family with the broadest definition of those you care the most for and those that you bond together with to live your life. It doesn't matter to me what your family looks like or who is included, but instead what matters to me is that you do have a group of people in your life that you consider your family--people who you nurture and enjoy, and people who nurture and enjoy your company in return.
On this MLK weekend of reflection, I'm thinking about my role in the family. I'm thinking about what's strong and what can be stronger and better. I'm also wondering about how I might recalibrate my energy, time, and connection in ways that matter as my big, loving family evolves in time and place.
I wonder what you might add to this post. I imagine some might say that strong families rely on a strong, shared faith. I know that was true of me growing up and that made a positive difference. Others may say that strong families depend on strong, shared service to others--that's positive too, and something I want to think about more as my work and everyday family demands lessen. Still more may say that strong families have open doors to those who are left out and need a family to love and be apart of--that's been on my mind as I read the sad news about so many foster children left out of family life in our state.
If you have more to add to this post, please share as I believe this is an integral topic when it comes to living a good life for self and others. Do you agree?