A long time ago, I found myself worried and feeling sorry for a few young people I knew. I spent a lot of money to help them out, and then when I returned them home I noticed that their family had just paid a lot of money to update their house. That gave me pause. Obviously the family were not purchasing the kinds of items for the young people I thought they needed, but instead they were spending their dollars on home improvement. That was their choice. Yet, I was taken aback since I was spending dollars that I could have used to make some needed repairs to my own home. This episode made me think a lot about how we spend our money and time, what we do for others, and the fact that everyone makes their own choices and priorities.
Was I wrong to spend my money on the young people's needs? Not if I could spend the money without any ownership of their decisions, choices, or ways of living. If you give a gift, you have to be satisfied to let those who accept the gift use it as they will--it's not for you to decide. Also, in some ways, I was projecting my beliefs on those people rather than simply giving a gift out of the goodness of my heart. I was giving something I thought they needed and wanted when in truth that might not have been the case at all. I'm actually not sure.
Similarly, a friend of mine was chastised time and again during her young life to care for an older relative. That friend, at the time, had many, many constraints that made it difficult to care for the older relative. She felt a lot of guilt at not being able to give as she was told to do. In hindsight, however, that relative was not that old and had plenty of money and time. Looking back, why didn't that relative help out my friend instead especially since it was a time in her life when she was burdened by many, many challenges. It was wrong of that friend's family members to push her to give when, in truth, she didn't have much to give--they should have encouraged the older relative to reach out instead.
Giving and receiving is not as simple as it seems. We all know it's good to be generous and give what we can, but we have to take care of ourselves too. If we give too much, the gifts won't be as good as they can be as we'll be tired and challenged. Yet, if we give too little, we'll lose out too since to be generous is good for our lives and our connections to others. There's a just right giving/receiving quotient for everyone.
It's important, now and then, to assess your generosity--where you spend your dollars and time, and whether it's an honest, positive investment or not.
Was I wrong to spend my money on the young people's needs? Not if I could spend the money without any ownership of their decisions, choices, or ways of living. If you give a gift, you have to be satisfied to let those who accept the gift use it as they will--it's not for you to decide. Also, in some ways, I was projecting my beliefs on those people rather than simply giving a gift out of the goodness of my heart. I was giving something I thought they needed and wanted when in truth that might not have been the case at all. I'm actually not sure.
Similarly, a friend of mine was chastised time and again during her young life to care for an older relative. That friend, at the time, had many, many constraints that made it difficult to care for the older relative. She felt a lot of guilt at not being able to give as she was told to do. In hindsight, however, that relative was not that old and had plenty of money and time. Looking back, why didn't that relative help out my friend instead especially since it was a time in her life when she was burdened by many, many challenges. It was wrong of that friend's family members to push her to give when, in truth, she didn't have much to give--they should have encouraged the older relative to reach out instead.
Giving and receiving is not as simple as it seems. We all know it's good to be generous and give what we can, but we have to take care of ourselves too. If we give too much, the gifts won't be as good as they can be as we'll be tired and challenged. Yet, if we give too little, we'll lose out too since to be generous is good for our lives and our connections to others. There's a just right giving/receiving quotient for everyone.
It's important, now and then, to assess your generosity--where you spend your dollars and time, and whether it's an honest, positive investment or not.