I was excited for a family event in a beautiful place. I anticipated the event with joy as the last time we gathered there and elsewhere were happy occasions.
There had been what I thought of as a minor snafu at the last event so I wrote a private email to one family member to hopefully prevent that snafu again. I thought the email would be well received as I didn't think it was a big deal.
Upon arrival at the party, I noted a struggle at play. I figured it was just the busyness and anxiety that sometimes happens when you're having a big crowd. The typical flow of events and conversation were somewhat stifled, and some guests were late in arriving. Later, I found out that the guests were not coming.
I wondered aloud why? I had many ideas, but then I thought, could it be that email--I never thought that an email like that would cause such a reaction. I reached out to a few family members inquiring if they thought it was the email, and no one responded--they kind of ignored my comment. The discomfort continued. Finally at the end of the evening, I reached out to another family member who did say it was the email, in part, that created the discomfort and the fact that some members did not arrive.
I was upset to think that an email I sent would create such discomfort and upset. I wrote apologies as soon as I learned of that noting that it was not my intent to create pain or struggle.
All in all it was a painful event.
Since that time, I've pondered many questions:
There had been what I thought of as a minor snafu at the last event so I wrote a private email to one family member to hopefully prevent that snafu again. I thought the email would be well received as I didn't think it was a big deal.
Upon arrival at the party, I noted a struggle at play. I figured it was just the busyness and anxiety that sometimes happens when you're having a big crowd. The typical flow of events and conversation were somewhat stifled, and some guests were late in arriving. Later, I found out that the guests were not coming.
I wondered aloud why? I had many ideas, but then I thought, could it be that email--I never thought that an email like that would cause such a reaction. I reached out to a few family members inquiring if they thought it was the email, and no one responded--they kind of ignored my comment. The discomfort continued. Finally at the end of the evening, I reached out to another family member who did say it was the email, in part, that created the discomfort and the fact that some members did not arrive.
I was upset to think that an email I sent would create such discomfort and upset. I wrote apologies as soon as I learned of that noting that it was not my intent to create pain or struggle.
All in all it was a painful event.
Since that time, I've pondered many questions:
- What should a host do when such an event occurs? That's a tough question.
- How do relationships withstand such a hurtful event?
- What are the next steps?
This was a good wake-up about the sensitivity needed with relationships--we can't be sensitive enough when dealing with our loved ones or anyone else.
It was also a good wake-up call about the words we use and the stories we tell. As much as possible we have to focus on love first, and anything else second if at all.
The good news here is that there was no intent to harm or hurt. It was a painful affair, one that will take time to repair. Onward.