A long time ago, I was hurt deeply by a team of people who worked against me in surprising and hurtful ways. It was a deep wound that took years to heal, and a wound that still smarts from time to time. Some of those people apologized or made amends. It was easy to forgive and accept those people. Others never apologized or made amends, and for those people, I've finally been able to forgive them for the grave pain they caused me, but I will never trust those people. I did apologize to all involved and did some significant work to remedy the parts of the problem I owned. While I still work at some of the issues that came to light, I am satisfied with my personal efforts to make better after the hurtful affair--a situation that was a two-way street with people on all sides owning some of the problem.
Since that time, I've experienced a couple of similar events--events not nearly as hurtful, but similarly surprising. In hindsight, with both events, I can see how the issues arose--there were a number of signs that something would happen, but I was not keen enough to notice those signs or act before hurtful events occurred.
Life is full of lessons, and it's important to heed those lessons so for the most part we don't repeat the acts that hurt us and others.
What have the hurtful events taught me?
Since that time, I've experienced a couple of similar events--events not nearly as hurtful, but similarly surprising. In hindsight, with both events, I can see how the issues arose--there were a number of signs that something would happen, but I was not keen enough to notice those signs or act before hurtful events occurred.
Life is full of lessons, and it's important to heed those lessons so for the most part we don't repeat the acts that hurt us and others.
What have the hurtful events taught me?
- It's best to deal with issues while the issues are small.
- It's best not to get involved with people's personal lives unless something dangerous and destructive is happening. As for small issues, stay away. For example, if you are witness to any kind of abuse, you have to speak up and act even if it means a relationship might suffer as it will suffer down the road no matter, but if an issue is small, it's best to stay away from it.
- It's best to follow the rules of etiquette when it comes to entertaining--there's good reason why we have those rules and when we follow the rules, we mostly have peaceful, positive relationships and events.
- It's good to work with those who understand and support you. As for the naysayers, you have to be strategic when working with them.
- Actions speak louder than words.
- Be helpful as much as you can in ways that are truly helpful.
- Live simply.
- Live within your means with regard to money, time, energy, and capacity.
Everyone lives with some hurt and regret. As humans, we're imperfect, and we have to live with as much sensitivity, care, empathy, and compassion as we can. Onward.