Many years ago after a life change, a group of friends I enjoyed tossed me aside. It was a hurtful event, and looking back, it was clearly due to the fact that my life change made my life very, very different from the group's primary focus and activity. I did my best to stay abreast of the group's individual and collective events, but I simply didn't have the time or capacity to keep up--my life change prohibited that.
Recently, I had a similar experience. Thinking I was doing the right thing, I reached out to a member of another group only to find that I made a poor decision. I apologized, but my apology was not accepted, and the members of the group distanced me in painful ways. The break-up still hurts a lot as these were people I admired and enjoyed being with. Because I admired these people and had many good times with them, I reached out more to see if I could mend the break-up, but so far, there's been little acceptance or care shown. Writing about it is not perfect, but the hurt is deep and I am trying to make sense out of it so it doesn't happen again. Break-ups that end with silence, anger, and distance are very, very painful.
What have I learned from these events?
First of all, life changes have a ripple effect, and that ripple effect is no one's fault, but instead a natural result of changes in living--changes that affect the way you spend time, where you live, and your priorities. Earlier in my life, I had a similar struggle with another friend, but that friend was so patient and loving. Rather than lead to a break-up, she was willing to talk about the changes, acknowledge that our friendship would now be different, and work at new ways to enjoy each other's company. We are still friends today, and this means a lot to me. In part, this change was positive because my friend was so well rooted in her life and decisions. She made a choice to continue our friendship while living her new life too.
Next, I've learned to let things roll a bit more. As a sensitive individual, change affects me deeply, but I've learned it is best to give change time rather than try to control it. Life will unravel in all kinds of ways and if we are open to change, ready to enjoy the good times, and patient with regard to the not so good times, we do better.
These break-ups have made me more aware of the fragility of relationships and the need to tend relationships with care and sensitivity. Like a garden, friendships will suffer, if not well tended. What you do is who you are, and what you give is what you get. These are simple truths about living--truths that I want to be mindful of when it comes to relationships in the future.
Recently, I had a similar experience. Thinking I was doing the right thing, I reached out to a member of another group only to find that I made a poor decision. I apologized, but my apology was not accepted, and the members of the group distanced me in painful ways. The break-up still hurts a lot as these were people I admired and enjoyed being with. Because I admired these people and had many good times with them, I reached out more to see if I could mend the break-up, but so far, there's been little acceptance or care shown. Writing about it is not perfect, but the hurt is deep and I am trying to make sense out of it so it doesn't happen again. Break-ups that end with silence, anger, and distance are very, very painful.
What have I learned from these events?
First of all, life changes have a ripple effect, and that ripple effect is no one's fault, but instead a natural result of changes in living--changes that affect the way you spend time, where you live, and your priorities. Earlier in my life, I had a similar struggle with another friend, but that friend was so patient and loving. Rather than lead to a break-up, she was willing to talk about the changes, acknowledge that our friendship would now be different, and work at new ways to enjoy each other's company. We are still friends today, and this means a lot to me. In part, this change was positive because my friend was so well rooted in her life and decisions. She made a choice to continue our friendship while living her new life too.
Next, I've learned to let things roll a bit more. As a sensitive individual, change affects me deeply, but I've learned it is best to give change time rather than try to control it. Life will unravel in all kinds of ways and if we are open to change, ready to enjoy the good times, and patient with regard to the not so good times, we do better.
These break-ups have made me more aware of the fragility of relationships and the need to tend relationships with care and sensitivity. Like a garden, friendships will suffer, if not well tended. What you do is who you are, and what you give is what you get. These are simple truths about living--truths that I want to be mindful of when it comes to relationships in the future.