Last night I was thinking of a few hurtful events that occurred in the last few years. I was thinking about how one moves beyond hurt. That led me to think about past times when I was able to move beyond hurt.
Dissect the pain
The first step is to dissect the pain. Why did it happen? What could you have done to prevent this? In most situations that were hurtful, I found that I was surprised the events happened, but when dissecting the pain, I could see steps that led to the events. We cannot go back and erase the past, but we can learn from the past to create a better future. In most situations a hurried pace and not enough listening led to the hurt, so the message is slow down and listen more.
Give it time
When pain is raw it hurts a lot. But in cases where the pain has subsided, time brought solace. And in time, most of the pain subsided. Hurt and pain are a part of life, and to be able to give that hurt and pain the time it needs for healing is crucial.
Reflect on the hurt and pain
Take time to think deeply about why the pain and hurt happened and how not to repeat such episodes. Once dissected, you'll likely have some work to do to better the way you relate to people in order to avoid similar pain.
Forgiveness
To lessen pain, you have to forgive. In my life, the roots of greatest pain were situations where the people who inflicted the hurt and pain, were people facing great challenges too. Life had handed these people trying situations, and in some ways, I was their whipping post. Yes, I definitely deserved some of the pain and hurt I received, but in these cases, unlike others, the person's own struggles prevented them from having the compassion and care another person might have shown in a similar situation. It seems like those who were nurtured in homes with tremendous love, compassion, care, and attention are much more able to be compassionate, honest, and caring during times of strife whereas those who faced or face grave challenges with less support are less able to face those events with compassion, understanding, and care. In general, people want to do the right thing, but our capacities for doing that differ depending on upbringing, support, and the situation.
Break-ups
While I am not a fan of break-ups of any kind, sometimes it is the only solution. If you reach out to make amends and your invitation to work better together is not accepted, then you may have to remove yourself from the situation. You have to take care of yourself, and if people are unwilling to work with you and acknowledge your needs and feelings, then it is probably time to move on and away from those people. Before actually breaking-up, however, I recommend taking a vacation from individuals who hurt you because, as stated before, time brings meaning to situations like this.
Everyone is hurt now and then. It is a painful reality of life, but if you let it, this hurt and pain are valuable teachers that can make life richer and more meaningful as you move ahead with greater knowledge, skill, and will to be there for one another in ways that matter. Onward.
Dissect the pain
The first step is to dissect the pain. Why did it happen? What could you have done to prevent this? In most situations that were hurtful, I found that I was surprised the events happened, but when dissecting the pain, I could see steps that led to the events. We cannot go back and erase the past, but we can learn from the past to create a better future. In most situations a hurried pace and not enough listening led to the hurt, so the message is slow down and listen more.
Give it time
When pain is raw it hurts a lot. But in cases where the pain has subsided, time brought solace. And in time, most of the pain subsided. Hurt and pain are a part of life, and to be able to give that hurt and pain the time it needs for healing is crucial.
Reflect on the hurt and pain
Take time to think deeply about why the pain and hurt happened and how not to repeat such episodes. Once dissected, you'll likely have some work to do to better the way you relate to people in order to avoid similar pain.
Forgiveness
To lessen pain, you have to forgive. In my life, the roots of greatest pain were situations where the people who inflicted the hurt and pain, were people facing great challenges too. Life had handed these people trying situations, and in some ways, I was their whipping post. Yes, I definitely deserved some of the pain and hurt I received, but in these cases, unlike others, the person's own struggles prevented them from having the compassion and care another person might have shown in a similar situation. It seems like those who were nurtured in homes with tremendous love, compassion, care, and attention are much more able to be compassionate, honest, and caring during times of strife whereas those who faced or face grave challenges with less support are less able to face those events with compassion, understanding, and care. In general, people want to do the right thing, but our capacities for doing that differ depending on upbringing, support, and the situation.
Break-ups
While I am not a fan of break-ups of any kind, sometimes it is the only solution. If you reach out to make amends and your invitation to work better together is not accepted, then you may have to remove yourself from the situation. You have to take care of yourself, and if people are unwilling to work with you and acknowledge your needs and feelings, then it is probably time to move on and away from those people. Before actually breaking-up, however, I recommend taking a vacation from individuals who hurt you because, as stated before, time brings meaning to situations like this.
Everyone is hurt now and then. It is a painful reality of life, but if you let it, this hurt and pain are valuable teachers that can make life richer and more meaningful as you move ahead with greater knowledge, skill, and will to be there for one another in ways that matter. Onward.