Are you an agitator?
I have been considering my role as an agitator lately? Since my life includes more time for reflection, I've been considering the words I use and the reaction that results from those words.
For example, sometimes when I speak, I can hear anger, frustration, and annoyance in my listeners' responses. Why does this happen? When does it happen? With whom does it happen? Is this what I want to happen?
Recently I've been listening carefully to a friend's words and the resulting responses. That friend clearly elevates almost everyone he talks too--they love his words and the responses are almost always positive. I've noted the phrases, tone, and specific words used. I understand why the responses are so positive, and what's even better is that the individual's words are honest and heart-felt, the words are not manipulative, dishonest, or self-serving. This is positive and part of why the individual is so well-liked and welcome.
Yet, it would be dishonest for me to mimic this friend's use of words since that's not who I am. I am a person who likes to analyze, question, critique, wonder, and create--I like hard conversations, debates, and even challenge and criticism at times. I like to chisel down on ideas and events to get to the hidden diamond--the best of what a situation or idea can be. Yet that kind of drive is often overwhelming and agitating to others, so what's an individual to do.
I believe the key is to find the right places, people, and times to agitate. Good agitation can result in making people think, positive challenge, and purposeful debate. Good agitation can quicken the process to betterment which can be very positive in many situations. A hardy, civil debate about any idea can help people reach a mutually beneficial resolve with greater speed and clarity--that's good.
Although, agitation can also create greater frustration, less mutually beneficial resolve, and even disaster when it comes to events and relationships. The frustration and fraught that agitation can bring can sever relationships and create distanced. This is not good and more likely the result of agitation.
So there's a right time and place to agitate, but in general, as my friend exemplifies, it's often better to speak to get along rather than to agitate or debate. Bottom line, you have to know your audience and how to speak in ways that strengthen your relationship with those individuals. There are some in your midst, where it is better to mostly listen, there are others where a good honest, forthright interchange is welcome, and there's everyone in between.
Not only do you have to know those you speak to well, but you also have to be cognizant of the kind of relationship you want to have with those people. Is this about a one-time business transaction or a long-term relationship. There are multiple reasons why we speak with and to people, and we have to always think about what those conversations mean and why we are speaking to one another. This will help one to use words in purposeful, life enriching ways.
Are you an agitator?
If so, how often is this true and why is this true?
How do you use words?
Why is this consideration important to you and your life.
These are critical considerations no matter where you find yourself in life--considerations that are important to relay to your loved ones too.