Life's not fair. I learned that lesson as a young child in a home with two parents and six children. Early on Dad taught us not to expect equal treatment because we were all different. He repeatedly said, "Life's not fair." That was a good lesson to learn as a young child, a lesson that kept informing throughout my life.
Another similar lesson and adage is "Win some, lose some." The truth is that sometimes we win when we are not deserving, and sometimes we lose when we deserve to win. There have been some accolades in life I didn't think I earned, and some accolades I didn't receive that I thought I should have received.
So how do these lessons inform good living?
By expecting life not to be fair, you're ready to sometimes lose out on opportunities you believe you should receive. I remember a time many decades ago when I worked diligently on a project to find that my colleague who was less hard working won a wonderful opportunity related to the work. In hindsight, that woman clearly fit the mold of who the directors wanted to represent them at the event--she also had a temepered, more mature demeanor than me as an early career teacher. I felt bad about the decision, but thought about my dad's words and moved on.
There were other times when I was surprised by an opportunity knowing that others may have been better suited for the award, but again, I realized that sometimes the opportunities we "win" do not reflect our best skills or efforts, but we have to enjoy the win and see it as a win for the culmination of our efforts and hard work.
It's the sum of your efforts and endeavors that matter. And winning, to a large degree, depends on happenstance too. Being in the right place at the right time can position you well for a prize or opportunity. There have been positions that I didn't apply for or get simply because of circumstances--I wasn't at the right place at the right time.
Also, your life circumstances play into every win and loss. Often it is the connections that your family members have make a difference in the opportunities you gain. If your family members know someone or know of some avenue that is a match for you, you are likely to gain access to those opportunities. If you are distanced from an opportunity and without connections, you are less likely to gain that opportunity. Mindsets matter too. As I think of one former colleague, I notice that she clearly inheritied a good managerial mindset--it's likely that someone in her family or a mentor along the way exemplified that mindset. What we achieve has a lot to do with people we know, places we spend time in, and experiences we have.
If you measure life by every win or loss, you will lose sight of the overall picture. None of us have it all, and none of us are without gifts. Surely there are few who seem to truly seem to have a lot more losses than wins, but in general most people have a fair share of both. If you think of life's categories, I'm sure you can name wins and losses in everyone including health, wealth, family, friends, community, work, and recreation.
Life's not fair, but is that really what's most important with regard to the everyday ups and downs. What's important is to take an attitude towards life that includes enjoying your days, doing your best, contributing and being who you are. Of course, when it comes to overarching matters of equity and fairness, we do have to advocate and work for equal rights and opportunities. But when it comes to day-to-day living, what matters most is that the sum of life events equals an overall good life. That matters.