Many years ago I was in the midst of a troubled individual. I wanted to help and looked for ways to be of help. The individual resented my attempts and acted out against me. It was a painful time because I cared about this person a lot and felt I had something to give, but my attempts were rejected. In response to the rejection, I took a giant step back and did not reach out again, but did acknowledge that I was available should they want or need my help.
Sometimes we simply don't have what others need. Sometimes we're the wrong person for the job.
Why was my attempt to help rejected? The situation was complex, and I still don't fully understand, but I know that part of the rejection was based on my attempt to layer my values/choices on top of this person's life--a life that represented many different values and choices. The person, I suspect, thought my ideas and ways of helping to be useless, misdirected, and unhelpful. I didn't walk in that person's shoes. I didn't fully understand his situation in life, so his rejection of my help was likely right on for where he was and who he was.
Sometimes we do step in where we are not wanted, and we have to recognize that. No one has all the answers, and it's interesting to see who we really do help and for whom, our help is not wanted. As an educator, I found it interesting to see which students grew the most with me and which ones grew the least. There were definitely trends about whom I was able to teach best and who was more difficult for me to reach. That's why I eventually grew to value team teaching because often those I didn't reach as well responded to my colleagues better and visa versa--this created a win-win situation with regard to reaching all students.
We have to read the signs around us and within us to understand where our help and camaraderie is welcome and where it is not. We also have to be sensitive to those who reach out to us with help we may not want or need and those whose help we value greatly. That says a lot about who we are, what we value, and where we are headed in life.
I want to think more on this topic. If you have any wisdom to share, please do.