I was asked to write a recipe for a good marriage by a friend who is having a get-together to celebrate an upcoming wedding. Over the years, I have thought about this question a lot as a married person for 32 years, and one who knows many married couples including my parents who have been married for 68 years.
I have to admit, I love being married and I am so happy that I didn't end my marriage during times when our union was challenged. How did we stay strong?
First, I do think we had the advantage of living with parents who stayed married. Both my husband and I were able to witness firsthand how real marriages work as we watched our parents stay together through good times and bad. That helped.
I aso know that we enjoy many of the same interests in life, and we both adore our children. That helped too.
And, when the commitment was challenged, we took the time to think about what the marriage meant compared to the challenges, and every time, that reflection led us to recommit to the marriage.
Not all marriages will work. I've known people to break up for all kinds of good reasons, and I've also known people to break up for some not so good reasons. A long time ago, at a point when my marriage was challenged mostly by a too-busy schedule and lack of needed financial and other resources, a sage colleague told me to hang in there, and recommended I read the book, A Good Marriage. That helped. At another time, another friend and some counseling helped me to pinpoint a missing piece in our marriage--something I really had never considered before, but something that was critical to a good marriage. Both my friend's advice and the counseling really helped.
Like all good things in life, a good marriage requires attention, support, focus, and of course, some luck too. So in thinking about all of this, I came up with a recipe for a good marriage--let me know if you think I've missed any important elements.
