Last weekend, I had a beautiful sunset dinner alongside the riverwalk in Wilmington, North Carolina. My wonderful time was the result of so many individuals' good work. First, those that designed the apartment complex that includea the sunset picnic area, outdoor grills, green space, and riverwalk, created a terrific place to relax and enjoy a meal outside in the evening. The way we design and make places for living has the potential to greatly enhance the way people live and how they feel. Also, urban planners who designed and built the great riverwalk in Wilmington created a super public amenity that brings people together and celebrates the city's natural resources. And, my son who hosted us for dinner also shared his good cooking and hospitality which resulted in happiness, great conversations, and camaraderie. Finally, our personal choice to make the time to visit our son, was a good choice that contributed to our family unity and care for one another. Our Wilmington evening was wonderful because of so many good choices by so many people. Our choices do affect others.
On the other hand, I heard recently about a choice a person made that was a difficult choice--a choice that brought a lot of heartache to many people. Since I don't stand in that person's shoes, I can't judge the choice, but it's sad to see how many people can be impacted in painful ways due to one person's choice. Perhaps, down the line, the pain will subside and that choice will be seen as positive, but this person has made a number of choices that challenged and upset many. Yet the person has made a number of choices that elevated and helped others too. I can't judge, but I do notice how this person's choices impact many in both positive and negative ways.
Should we be concerned about the effects of our choices on others? Is this important?
Of course, I do believe we have to think beyond our own needs as we choose--we have to think of the impact on others. When I decided to retire this year, I did think about the impact beyond myself. I knew that the students at school would be fine since I was leaving a good infrastructure, terrific colleagues, great materials, and wonderful families behind--I knew that a good teacher could pick up where I left off, and that's just what happened. I also knew that my family would profit from my choice in a number of ways since I would have more time to help out, and I knew I would personally benefit too since it was time to work toward some new goals and contribution. Recently I wrote a letter to school administrators that could be construed as angry, but I decided to write since I felt some of the truths I shared needed to be said--truths that related to the potential schools hold to be better rather than mired in old practices that obstruct positive growth and development.
So, how can we choose well for ourselves and others?
We must make time to reflect about our circumstances and choices, and as we reflect, we have to think with the following questions in mind:
- What do I need, and why do I need it?
- How can I choose in win-win ways so that I get what I need and those around me are also impacted in positive ways?
- Who and what can help me make a good decision--what books, podcasts, experts, friends, and considerations will lead me to a good choice?
- What will the results of my decision look like today, tomorrow, next month, at the end of the year, in five years, and in ten years