For most people, caring for loved ones is a priority. Most people desire to do what they can for those they love. Of course, and as with all things, this common concern plays itself out in multiple ways. For example, I have a friend who is fully committed to her mother's care--it is a full time job for my friend. When, on the other hand, I have friends who have relegated their parents' care to others. Their situations differ greatly as do their family histories, parents' personalities/needs, and their definitions of quality care. In all cases, the parents are cared for, but how that care happens differs.
What are the best ways to deal for our loved ones--what can we do?
As a mother, there were more common agencies of cre to rely on. For example, as a mother, my children's schools, sports teams, and clubs were common points of care for children. These places created common experiences and places for parents, and this common experience created a sense of camaraderie, support, knowledge, and care.
Now, as I help out my parents who are in their nineties, I am finding that we don't have common places of care, camaraderie, information share, and care. Elder care in many ways is it a Do-it-Yourself (DIY) adventure which makes it more challenging than childcare. In too many ways, care for our eldest Americans is messy, disorganized, and difficult to navigate. Why is this true?
First, Americans are living much longer lives than in decades past. There are more older Americans, and society's ability to care for elderly Americans has not kept up with this reality. Also, to care for the elderly is to acknowledge our own mortality. When we prepare for and care for youth, we think about the rich lives ahead, but when we care for the elderly, we are reminded of the many challenges end-of-life days bring, challenges which are often more difficult to accept, embrace, and respond to.
As I embark on this chapter, I can look back at how my own parents cared for the elderly in their families. My parents were present and did what they could to support my grandparents and elderly aunts' final years. It was not ideal, but they did what they could, and is their an ideal with regard to elder care?
For starters, good care and support begins with the following actions:
- tasty, healthy foods
- a clean, warm, and welcoming home
- positive, loving visits
- entertainment and adventures that brings them pleasure and comfort
- respect and acknowledgement of their gifts, contribution, perspectives, and ideas
- trusting, loving relationships
As I care for the older people in my midst, I think a lot about how I hope to be cared for in my final chapter. I know that what I do for my older family members sets an example for my children too just as the way my parents cared for their older relatives set an example for me.
As a nation, I do think there is more we can do to care for our most elderly Americans. This begins with our attitudes toward these Americans. President-elect Joe Biden spoke of America's oldest Americans with respect and love while the Trump team was all too willing to sacrifice their lives for economic gain.
Caring for the elderly begins with the way we talk about the topic and what we do and hopefully, in addition, we'll begin to think about how we can better the environment of good living and support for people during their final chapter in life. Onward.