As I embrace the role of caregiver, I am thinking about what that means for those I care for and the kind of care I wish for in my future.
As I study my approach, both positive and not-so-positive, I am learning a lot of lessons.
Communication pacing
My students would complain that I spoke too fast at times. I was always at a quandary when they would say that as I was the student who always found that teachers talked too slowly. I didn't want to lose the students like me, but I also wanted to relate to students who desired a slower talking speed. So typically in the classroom, I would give a fast intro, then back it up with a slower, more deliberate second stage for those who wanted that. Overall, that worked well.
But now, with clear communication with doctors, other care givers, and family members, using few words at a good pace is the way to go. Good communication matters a lot.
Choice
As you get older and face more challenges, you don't want to be robbed of your dignity and choice. You don't want people treating you like a child. A scene from Grand Torino makes this point clearly.
So, when dealing with older parents' care, you have to act with respect, dignity, and choice. Lay the facts on the line, and let your loved ones choose.
Don't micromanage
There's a lot of unknowns in life's final chapters. These unknowns can be perplexing, but the reality is tht caring for loved ones during their final chapters is an event-by-event activity with a considerable amount of unknowns. You simply have to ride the waves of this chapter with as much grace, open-mindedness, love, and care possible.