We all face falls and losses. Some of those falls and losses are greater than others, but what we know is that few to none of us ever live a life without falls and losses. In general, while painful, we learn a lot and live better thanks to falls and losses--those, often painful, events help us to rise up, learn, and live with greater wisdom and grace.
Today, I'm wondering what a graceful loss or fall looks like. Since many are silent about their falls and losses and others are not so graceful when that happens, I'm thinking about examples of people who do exhibit grace when they fall or lose.
Recently, many politicians lost in political races. Many of those politicos demonstrated terrific grace when losing. This was particularly evident in the democratic primary and a local congressional race. There were many democrats vying for the Presidential election nomination, and when Joe Biden won, the remaining candidates in the race stepped down with grace as they supported Biden's campaign with good words and actions. They were not sore losers. In our state's congressional race, the democrat who lost stepped down from the campaign with similar grace and respect. This was positive. Of course, President Trump has exemplified an ungraceful loss as he displays the words and actions of the world's greatest sore loser day after day--that just brings people down and sets a poor example of what to do when you lose.
I'd like to be a more graceful loser going forward. While my aim is to lose with grace, sometimes my emotions take over and it is a less than graceful fall. To be cognizant of this is the first step to doing a better job when losses big and small happen.
As I think about a recent, small loss, I see how I could have done the following to fall with greater grace.
- See the reality of the fall including what caused it. For the recent loss, this required a lot of thought as the loss was in a new pursuit area---one I am not experienced with.
- Seek out good counsel as to how to avoid that kind of fall in the future. I actually did this, and it was very helpful.
- Humbly and gratefully put the good advice into practice. I did this too--I acknowledged the good advice I got, advice that truly helped.
- Expect the pain. This is where I wasn't as good. When the resulting pain of the small loss occurred, I wasn't ready--I hurt, and I acted out a bit about this rather than simply enduring the short term, small time pain with calm and strength.
- Make a plan. Making a plan to ease your pain and remain graceful helps. Like many, I didn't want to think about the loss too much so I didn't give the problem the time it required with regard to how I would deal with the pain in positive, graceful ways.
- Don't blame others for your own losses. It is a natural inclination to push the blame for personal losses onto others. That is not graceful and only makes the loss greater.
- Acknowledge what you've learned and how you'll deal with a similar situaiton next time. This prevents many similar losses later on.