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| Mom's 91st Christmas 2020 |
I wrote this post at Christmas time 2020.
As my sister has said, this is not the mom we remember--the vibrant, energized, friendly mom who lived life fully. We don't want to forget that mom in this last chapter, but the last chapter has clearly demonstrated mom's fortitude, unwillingness to complain, and her fervant and thoughtful attention to those around her.
Who is mom? (Updated September 2022)
Mom has told me story after story about her young life on Clover Street including days when she helped her dad, our Grampy, and their little dog, Scotty, deliver letters from World War II soldiers to their families, the time she and her sister watched the Great Hurricane of 1938 out of the upstairs window, and how she helped her brother with their chickens. As an impish young girl, she recounted stories of Heard Street School including once when she watched the door while the neighborhood boys scurried through the school creating havoc in the off hours. Scolded time and again for talking too much in school, she mostly liked her teachers and always had many friends. She also told us childhood stories of good times with her fun-loving Uncle Jimmy and her adventures with Paul, Betty, Nancy, and Jane as they walked all the way to Coes Pond for a swim, attended Saturday matinees at the movie theater, or took the train to Newton to visit the Murphy's. She especially loved the story about the time Billy Murphy snuck Marshmallow, the chicken, on the train in a cereal box. Betty, her sister, was her best friend in life--they shared many, many good times. We traveled to Betty's many beautiful homes over the years for wonderful parties and visits. And she was ever so proud of her brothers including Jackie who joined the service at 15 under his brother Bob's name and later worked for the CIA, Bob who studied agriculture and went on to be a Professor at Cornell, Neal who started many businesses, hosted countless family parties, and employed so many of us over the years, and Paul, her little brother who was a well-loved history teacher in Milford and at Holy Name High School.
Her favorite stories, however, were about her adventures with my dad in the early days. She met him at a Knights of Columbus dance and later a card party near Chandler Street. He was with a group of guys that visited her sorority meeting. When the guys left, my dad said, "I've got one" meaning he met my mom. Later they danced together at local dances and began dating. Once when my dad was a bit reticent about their new relationship, my mom told him that she would be going to a dance with another guy--that's when my mom says that dad showed more interest, and they've been together ever since--74 years together and 70 years married.
My dad joined the Coast Guard soon after they met. My mom visited him in New York City and Nantucket--adventures she fondly told us about often. Later they anxiously waited for six years to have a baby while almost all their siblings had started families. My mom worked at the Worcester County Court House. She would walk uptown to meet her mother and others for lunch at times. Finally, my parents readied for an adopted baby when surprisingly they became pregnant. They had me, then Paul, Chrissy, Peter, David, and Michael--all two years apart. When I was five, in 1964, they moved from my grandparents' three decker on Pilgrim Ave to our little green cape on Rochelle Street. They bought the house with cash and spent time fixing it up. That's been their happy home for 57 years.
Together mom and dad have had many, many good times with many loving family members and friends. From Hawaiian luaus in the basement, to songfests, dinner parties, and outdoor barbecues, they entertained their friends and family members often. Mom had regular get togethers with her bridge club and Girls from Grafton Hill too. She especially liked to sing the song Mairzy Doats. Weekdays while dad was at work, Mom would take us to visit relatives often--she always sang while driving in the car. We'd pick up donuts on the way and enjoy the visits to Nanny and Grampy's, Betty's many homes, and Uncle Neal's pool. Almost every Sunday, when we were young, we had a local adventure including skating and sledding at Green Hill, visits to Nancy & Jane's or Katherine's in Boston, hiking Mount Monadnock, playing hockey on Indian Lake, or visiting a museum or historic site. Later those weekends were devoted to road races, CYC basketball games, track-and-field events, football and rugby games, ski competitions, and other high school and college events. Mom made those events extra special with her terrific cooking and baking--we always enjoyed good homemade food at home and during our adventures.
Mom always put family first, and when I say family I don't just mean her husband and six children, but when mom thought of family she thought of her mom, Mabel, father, Neal, in-laws Pete and Helen, Aunt Catherine and Betty, cousins Nancy, Jane, Billy, Joanne, Jimmy, and Johnny, beloved sister Betty, four brothers Neal, Jackie, Bobby, and Paul, brother-in-laws Bob, Bob, Teddy, Arthur, Danny, three sister-in-laws: Margie, Margie Mary, Miriam, Ernie, Helen and Jane, 56 nieces and nephews plus their partners and children, sons and daughter-in-laws Mike, Sue, Dave, and Kim, good friends Mary and Ed, Mary and Glen, grandchildren Paul, Brandon, Mindy, Nina, Ryan, Lucey, Matt, Liz, Sean, Michaela, Hannah, Rayne, and Miles, great-grandchildren Athena, Sophia, Zoey, Madden, Lucas, and Avery, and so many more extended family members and friends. In fact, mom looked out for so many people beyond our immediate family, we would get a little jealous sometimes--she loved a lot of people and showed that love by hosting them at events, showering them with presents, and making frequent phone calls to check in.
I bet everyone that knows mom can think of story that includes my mom's big smile, laughter, generosity, and high energy--it was her great and generous spirit that was her best gift to all of us, a gift I hope to carry on in my own life.
In the second half of Mom's life, she was devoted to her work for Karen at Euro American, and and her closeness with my brother Paul and his family. She spent lots of time with them and looked forward to their frequent visits to her home to share a meal or celebrate a holiday. Many of mom's nieces became her friends, and she looked forward to her regular lunches with Chrissy, Karen, Ginger, and Sharon. She was famous for her delicious homemade cookies, her wonderful mac and cheese, and presents when she visited her grandchildren and children too. Traveling with my dad was a highpoint for mom during these years as well--they loved to adventure together to play golf, hike, visit beaches, see wildlife and other attractions.
It's difficult to capture Mom's life in a few words since it has been a busy-every-minute life of activity with countless people. She lives by her own sage advice which is to enjoy the stage you're in--mom has enjoyed every stage of life with gusto, and even now, as she tires out, she embraces this stage with grace, kindness, and appreciation. She has definitely laid a good path to follow.
Update: September 22, 2022
I sat on the coach with Mom yesterday. We listened to beautiful music as she held my hand and leaned against my shoulder. She is clearly struggling at this point. Breathing is difficult, and in so many ways her body is weak and she needs the care of others. Dad continues to love and care for her well. Her children visit often. She says thank you a lot as people care for her and gives out a lot of kisses too. It's difficult to see Mom struggle like this and it is humbling to see her caretakers do all they can to make her comfortable.