I grew up in an environment that often tiptoed around tough issues. That didn't prepare me well for conflict or how to deal with it. Fortunately I've had some good mentors in the recent past who have helped me to deal with adversity with a more sensitive, positive, and forthright voice and action. This has been good so far, and I still need some practice.
For example, recently I helped a family member who countered my help with nasty remarks and beligerance. My instinct was to simply take it, and then get upset later on, but with coaching, I'm getting better at calmly stating the facts with sensitivity and empathy. For example if someone I'm helping should say, I don't need you. I might say, I know you wish that wasn't the case, but the reality is that you do need some help in this area--it's simply a matter of the reality that exists. I know how difficult that can be. Most want to be independent in all ways requiring little help or support. I know I'm like that, but the truth is that we all need some help sometimes, and if we're humble enough to get that help, we do well by ourselves and by others too.
Of course, the way we help one another matters too. To be a good service worker takes finesse, understanding, empathy, patience, and care. To help someone in need means that you make the time to be sensitive to that person--the time to be empathetic and kind, understanding and respectful, on-target. To help someone in ways that really make a difference means you let them lead you rather than the other way around. Good helpers are not bossy, know-it-alls, but instead sensitive responders, listeners, observers, and quiet companions. And as I wrote about in a past post, helping adults is different than helping children--there's a learning curve there for a teacher like me who helped children for many years. I have to up my skills and perspective for helping adults.
So today, mindful of my relative inexperience with helping adults, I'll move into today's help session with empathy, kindness, care, and honest strength. I won't allow another to put me down, ridicule me, or hurt me, but I will allow those I help to lead me with regard to their needs at this time. I will be as sensitive and kind as I can be. Let's see what happens.