As my parents age, my siblings and I have had to rely on each other more. Fortunately everyone has been a contributor. Yet, what we contribute differs considerably as does our emotional response to our parents' aging and needs.
As we embarked on this journey initially, I would say we were more emotionally charged and independent, but over time we've become more compassionate and collaborative. This has been a positive change.
Frankly, I don't think any of us were prepared for this journey. Our own grandparents mostly didn't live as long as our parents, and our parents took care of them without too much support from us as we were mainly high school or college students at the time. Further, it was a different world. Our large extended family lived close to one another and in many ways life was much simpler with regard to work schedules, transportation, and lifestyle--there wasn't the great diversity of choices as to how one lives that we experience today.
So today as I considered another step in this journey, I realized that I could take a strengths-based approach or an approach focused on the deficits. For example, I could focus on what family members can't, won't or don't want to do or I could focus on the unique and wonderful talents, personality, and contributions each of my family members bring to my parents regularly.
Since I do come from a hyper-critical family who holds each other's feet to the fire all the time, it would be easy to choose the deficit path, but that doesn't do anyone any good. So today as one family member contested a decision, rather than get upset, I took some time to think about the unique and wonderful gifts that family member brings to all of our lives and especially my parents' lives--gifts I couldn't possibly replicate, and gifts I appreciate all the time.
So for family life, longevity, and good connections, I do think the strengths-based approach is the way to go--that serves everyone well especially my parents who devoted so much time and attention to us over time. Onward.