Held hostage

 There are many events in life that can make you feel like a hostage--an individual seized and one without power over a situation. That's a trying condition at best. How does one deal with this?

As a young person, I experienced this with regard to a family situation. The situation mostly didn't directly involve me, but I was witness to the situation and felt like I had no power over it. I tried to manage the situation in some ways, but was unsuccessful with many attempts and afraid to continue other ways of dealing with the situation. It was very frustrating. How did I deal with it?

Mostly, I deflected the frustration by being involved with lots of other activities. I also had some good friends who were good listeners, and as a young person, I also was not fully aware of all aspects of the situation which, in some ways, safeguarded me. But, looking back, in some ways I was a hostage to that situation. 

There have been other times in my life when I have felt that hostage situation--times when I felt powerless over a situation, and as I did as a youth, I mostly dealt with it by finding other avenues of strength and accomplishment, positive paths that deterred me from the frustrating situation. 

So today as I think about being held hostage by situations, I am thinking of the best ways to deal with that experience. 

First, I believe that you have to look at the big picture and think about what's really happening. Questions like these can help:

• Who is involved?
  
• What are they doing?
• What are the "do not go there" actions, actions you don't want to happen or get involved in now or into the future?
• What are the positive actions that can occur--what can you do that has immediate and long term benefit?
• What can you let go of--actions and feelings that don't really matter that much in the long run?
• What are your ideals for the situation?
  
• What are your nightmares for the situation?
• What's in your control?
• What's not in your control?

After considering the big picture, you have to then consider the plan you'll put into place going forward.  Even when I was young and was met with this hostage situation, I never acted in ways that created grave harm, and in some cases, I did help a bit. And as I think of similar work situations, looking back, I wish I had consulted the big picture a little more before making the short term decisions. The big picture truly gives you a good perview of what's going on and what you hope for. 

And, you also have to make sure that you're not one who holds people hostage with your actions, attitudes, or beliefs--people have a right to be free, and we always have to think about how we can empower that rather than disempower that experience of life. 

My experiences of being held hostage are minor compared to what some experience, the gravity of the most severe hostage situations, but nevertheless, great or small, to be held hostage is not a good experience and one that we need to work against as we move forward in life. Onward.