People have all kinds of attitudes about family relations. There are those like me who want to keep family close and strong, and there are those like an acquaitance I know that had way too much of family at an early age so chooses to keep his ties with his intimate family strong while having less connection to the larger family. There is not a right or wrong way to be a family member. We're all different, and how we regard family is for each of us to choose over time.
My commitment and desire for strong family ties arises for many reasons. First, I always enjoyed my times with family members throughout my life. We had a lot of good times, and those memories make me want to keep that going. Also, I know that we need each other--it's hard, if not impossible, to live a good life on your own, and when you have the loving support of family, it's a lot easier to live a good life. And, by staying close to your family, you get to enjoy the many gifts, stories, talents, and experiences your family members bring to life. No person can be all things, but you can be and experience more via your connections to others. This has the potential to broaden and enrich our experience of life in significant ways.
Yet, as people like me strive for close and supportive family ties, I can't forget the challenges that families sometimes face. I remember a time in my own childhood family when we were pulled in too many directions. At the time there was simply not enough supports for the great needs that existed, and I do think that some of our family members suffered during this time. Looking back, in a sense, it was as if an unexpected storm rolled in. People weren't ready for this and didn't know how to handle it effectively. Everyone did their best, but it seems clear to me that there was some damage done, damage that may not have been acknowledged with the care and depth needed for healthy repair going forward.
I want to think about that episode in ways that help me to avoid similar storms going forward. Good communication is one way to avoid troubles like that. Common goals and vision help too. Also, acknowledging that to be close doesn't mean you have to be the same or together all the time. Everyone has to chart their own course and live their own life--that's essential to strong family ties and individual happiness and good living too.
Some ways that I'm trying to support this good family culture in my own life include the following:
- Family meetings and regular family letters
- Planning positive times together
- Expressing my needs and desires honestly
- Valuing family members' individual choices, paths, relationships, and quests
- Living my own life as well as I can