Sometimes, down deep, we simply want to be right. Why do we feel that way? Where does that come from?
And what's most difficult about this feeling is that in so many situations, perhaps most situations, there is no right or wrong--instead, it is the melding of perspectives and ideas that is the best direction.
Willful righteousness is actually an attitude to beware of, and instead it's best to approach situations with an open mind and a good collaborative process.
My family always jokes about the purple van decision--a decision I made years ago to go it alone and buy a new car. I drove into the dealership with willful righteousness and an old, broken down silver van filled with rambunctious children. As you can imagine, the car deal spied an easy victim right away and sold me a purple van. It was only a matter of a few short months when the van broke down and rather than willful righteousness, my husband and I collaborated around a better car purchase decision. That's one of those stories I think about often when I want to go it alone with a decision.
As an educator, I experienced this mindset from time to time when I wanted to go it alone with a solution to a tough teaching problem, and similar to the purple van experience, that never worked as well as when I worked with the team of students, families, and educators to come up with a collaborative response to a problem.
If I had to guess, I'm guessing that willful rightousness is probably born out of situations of oppression and lack of voice. Growing up at a time when girls' voices were rarely regarded in my context, I can see how I had to work with greater strength to be heard or respected, and as I think of those with willful righteousness in the generation before me, I can see how their voices may have been lost at times due to class, context, or circumstance. When you experience less or no voice, the way you finally do begin to express your voice may be awkward, too-strong, or too-meak. That's different from those who have always experienced a good amount of voice and respect--people like that tend to develop with a greater balance and ability when it comes to using their voices well.
Whatever the truth of the matter, the bottom line is that it is good to beware of willful righteousness and instead work for common ground. That's a good lesson for me and for others. Onward.