As an educator you come upon all kinds of challenging situations with students, and when you do, you try multiple responses. You try kindness, reasoning, enlisting support, incentives, and even sometimes the tough-guy approach (with demeanor, never hurtful actions). And typically through a series of trial and error, you find the sweet spot--the positive, proactive way to support an individual who needs help.
All along this trial-and-error course, you do sometimes make missteps--perhaps you use a too-strong voice, the incentive backfires, or a person takes advantage of your kindness. And when those errors occur, you have to go back to the drawing board and rethink your approach.
So today as I ventured in a human service realm other than teaching I met a tough situation. I knew what the desireable result was, but the person I was working with could not be cajoled, commanded, inspired, or incentivized to get there, and in the end the situation ended with a less than positive argument. Just like the times I ended up arguing with a child which is never a good place to go, I argued with the person I was helping which was clearly a dead-end decision. Fortunately a third party came to my rescue, and in the end with greater consult, we learned more about what was causing the impasse and with that new information, I'll try a different approach next time.
Caring for people of any age can be tough especially when those people present a challenge that you are not quite sure how to handle. Even with consult, these situations can be challenging. Recently a friend confided in me about a situation with a young child that is very difficult--the situation is complex including many probable reasons for the child's discomfort and misbehavior. It's not a simple solution. My friend rightly reached out for guidance from related professionals and many now are working to find a good resolve.
As I think of my situation today, clearly using a strong voice did not work. In the past a strong and commanding voice did work to help this person reframe and complete a needed task, but that won't work anymore given multiple changes in the situation. Medical professionals related to the case have suggested some alternative efforts, and perhaps those ideas will work. There's a extensive care team in place, and the challenge is to coordinate the care with good decisions to best serve the individual. I'm happy to do what I can, and I'm open to learning.
Optimal human service work is rarely without its challenges--there will be moments of great success and moments of worrisome defeat, but we have to continue the path with as much patience, love and care as we can find, and that approach will serve both those we care for and ourselves well. Onward.