As I always note, taking the long view helps us to make good decisions in the short term. So to think about what you want something to be like when the hard work is done can help you do that hard work in a positive way.
As I thought about this related to a close-to-home endeavor, I realized that when this is all over, I want there to be positive relationships rather than hurt feelings, anger, or frustration. Tough situations challenge good relationships, so how can we weather storms without breaking ties.
One question that pervades my family history project is why relationships became distant or even broken over time. For example, family members who were very close in one chapter may hardly speak or see each other in later chapters. Why?
There's many factors that lead to this distance. First, life events can distance us. If we live and work far apart from one another, our relationships will change and potentially become more distant. And, if our life choices make us very busy with commitments to many others in our realm, well likely have less time to keep old relatioships strong. Further, interests matter--family members whose interests differ will probably stay less close than family members who share similar interests. I've noticed that gender plays a role too. Looking back at family history, it appears that women family members often stayed closer over time more than male family members.
Is it realistic to expect growing and changing families to stay close over time? Is this important or valuable? As one who truly loves my family members and our connections, I want to stay close to family members yet it's a two-way street. When people don't avail themselves, share their news, or make an effort to be close, distance will seep in, and there's not a lot you can do about that.
You can, however, work against the kind of negative feelings and actions that make family relations tense and even dangerous. You can avoid this kind of terse, hateful experience by watching your words and actions, and choosing love and gratitude over contempt and judgement.
So when the tough chapter we're experiencing now is over, I want the relationships to be peaceful and supportive. I don't want there to be a lot of judgement or struggle, but instead a sense of peace of respect for one another. That along with doing our best to make things happy and positive throughout this chapter are the main focus now. Onward.