As our loved ones' lives change, we have to update the way we care for and support them. Recently, after an abrupt medical event, my loved ones' care patterns had to change dramatically. This thrust the family into unfamiliar medical territory--what would we do, and how could we do it? As with any new and unfamiliar situation, the learning was messy and worrisome. Now, several months later, good patterns have been created, and the situation is less stressful and better managed. There is greater happiness and some good progress too. What has this situation taught me with regard to future needed changes with regard to loved ones' care and support?
Seek support
When those you love need new or different, it is always good to seek the support of experts in those fields. Medical experts helped us to care for our loved one who faced a medical need. Employment experts may be helpful with regard to job-finding needs, and study experts can be helpful to those who have academic needs. Whatever the need, seek expertise via reading, meetings, video, or more. There are lots of avenues for expertise that are free in society, agencies ready and willing to help, and there are many experts that are available for a fee. Bottom line, when facing new situations, seek the support of experts.
Teamwork
Rarely can you help another person on your own. Almost always, good help requires a good team. Don't be afraid to assemble the team. Consider having an expert lead the team meeting. At the meeting discuss the facts of the matter, the needs, each person's availability, desired communication patterns, times/places for future meetings, and the goals and objectives of your teamwork.
Do your part
With good teamwork, it is likely that people will take on various roles on their own and with others to meet the needs present. Once you sign on to your part, do it with as much skill and good effort as possible, and if you are unable to do your part, let the team know or find another way to get that part done. There is great satisfaction in doing your part.
As you do your part, expect that there will be a learning curve. As I have worked to help my loved ones, I've learned a lot along the way. In doing my part, there have been successes and challenges, but with each repetition, I get better at it. And the better I get, the better my loved ones do and the greater satisfaction I get as well.
Keep learning
There are seemingly limitless resources when it comes to helping one another. Researching and learning about any challenge empowers what you can do. Make learning about your objectives and goals a regular part of your routine. For example, one loved one that I care for has dementia. I've been reading a lot about that and applying the strategies I've learned which has helped a lot, and made our time together much more pleasurable and positive. The more we learn about the challenges we face, the better equipped we are to manage and/or overome those challenges.
Be attuned
Sometimes our loved ones' needs sneak up on us. This is especially true as we care for our teens and young adult children. Their lives are fast and intersect with countless outside organizations, people, and places. This can be difficult to keep up with, and that's why regular patterns of communication that include questions such as what can I do to help you, what's your priority this week, and what's exciting for you right now can help you to understand where they are at and what you can do to help. Too much time and distance can be challenging for supportive relationships. Also, too much closeness, particularly with regard to teens and young adults, can be troublesome too as it doesn't give them time to make their own decisions and figure out who they are. There's a fine balance here, and to be attuned to who your loved ones are and what they need is a good aim.
Celebrations and coming together
Make time to connect and collect. It's important to have regular patterns of getting together, enjoying each other's company, and hearing one another's stories. This helps us to care for one another as our lives change.
As our lives change, our needs will change too. To care for one another well, we have to acknowledge this fact and stay abreast of the changes that occur over time. This helps us to strengthen our camaraderie and better our lives. Onward.