When you were young, did you play Telephone. It was a game when people sat in a circle and secretly passed a message from one to the other. Then, the last person to hear the message said what they heard aloud. Typically the message from start to finish changed dramatically. It is a fun game that teaches a good lesson about the impact of gossip. When a tale is told from one to another, the truth of the matter becomes distant from the source and most often distanced from the truth of the matter too.
So, if this is the case, why do people spread information about others--why not go right to the source when an event happens.
I know that in my own life, some gossip arose from fear. In some places where I worked or lived, things didn't seem just right--there were problems and I felt uncomfortable. I wondered why, and often relayed the events that I observed or heard to others to try to figure out what was really going on. At those times, I was too afraid to go to the source to ask questions such as:
- Why did you act that way?
- Why did you make that choice?
- Where did that money go?
- Why aren't the books up to date?
- Why didn't you support that project?
Often when events that appeared unjust or troublesome occurred, I desired to figure out the truth of the matter, but was too afraid to go to the source. The more I recognized this pattern, the more I was able to go to the source to figure out the truth of the matter, but that took confidence that I may not have had when I first experienced such events in life. In fact, I started blogging to tell my truth at a time when my truth was being mischaracterized in the workplace. I decided that it was best to tell my truth to the world as I needed a record to refer to rather than be slandered by those who didn't like my questions or ideas.
Recently I was the butt of some gossip. As with most gossip, there was one in the trail of tales that told me what was being said and why. The gossip, like all gossip was a mixture of truth and fiction. There was a fair amount of conjecture, projection, and judgement involved in the words relayed. I can fully understand this gossip trail as it arose from a precarious situation that few to none can understand in entirety, and I bet some felt uncomfortable speaking to me directly, and may have felt more comfortable talking it out with others to try to understand what was going on. Often, we have to consult with those we are most comfortable with before going directly to the source to air our feelings and opinions with honesty and respect.
As I contemplate the game of Telephone that gossip often is, I can see why gossip naturally occurs. I can see a necessary side of gossip, but also know that when gossip trails too far from the source and truth, it can become dangerous. Sometimes, what some see as gossip is simply good information shared that results in greater compassion, understanding, and in time, closeness, and other times slanderous gossip shared becomes an obstruction to someone's reputation, career moves, success, or happiness.
In the end, we have to think carefully about the words we share and how we share those words. We never want to be the reason for another's grave struggles or hardships--we want to use our words and actions to ultimately enrich and empower instead.