From time to time, we all resent people for all kinds of reasons. I remember resenting friends who owned homes before I did. The fact that they had nice homes made me feel like a failure since I was financially far from that place for all kinds of reasons. Eventually, I was able to buy a home. Looking back, I didn't have a good attitude towards comparison at that time--I didn't realize, like I do know, that we're all on different paths each of us with a share of advantages and disadvantages. In fact, I remember speaking to a woman about this during a temp job for the Red Cross. That woman told me that in time, I would realize that everyone has their share of ups and downs. She was right.
So while we've had the experience of resenting others, we've also probably been the object--someone resents us. How do we know if someone is resenting us? I think we know because they treat us in a strange way and there's nothing we've done to them to warrant that treatment. So what do we do when we encounter resentment of any kind. I think one great response is to think about why that person is so depleted at the moment that they've resorted to resentment, and try to think of a way to fulfill a need they have. For example, I know that when I was a young mother with a tremendously busy shedule feeling like I could not come up for air, I sometimes resented people who had time. If you feel the resentment from a person like that, you could simply offer to take the children one morning so the mom gets a break. That would acknowledge a substantial need and also give you a way to help out.
When we resent others, we have to figure out the underlying reason, and then work to fulfill that need in ourselves. Obviously when I resented my friends with homes, I wanted a home--that was the need that led to the resentment, and once I figured out a path to obtaining a home, the resentment subsided. I was on my way. In a sense, the feeling of resentment is a wake-up call that you need something new or different.
And when people resent you, it's obvious that they have an unmet need, and probably need a bit of attention. If you can identify a need that you might be able to fulfill, that may ebb the waves of resentment they feel towards you. In a sense, sharing the wealth of time, energy, ideas, financial resources, or equipment may help someone else and lessen the resentment. Perhaps, when people resent you, it's a sign that you have more than your share and it's time to spread that privilege.
The more we are attuned to the feelings and needs of others, the better we can serve, help, and care for one another. That's positive.