What happens to relationships when we disagree? How do we face that disagreement? Do our relationships stay strong when we face disagreement?
I was reminded of this topic recently when a friend and I had a disagreement. Our disagreement lay outside the arena of our daily life, nevertheless it was a bothersome, uncomfortable disagreement that found us on two very different sides of a matter. I found myself wondering if my friend might be right, yet my research to date tells me that her stance is wrong. I don't know it all and I realize that rarely is one all-right while the other is all-wrong. So, I didn't get into a long debate about the matter, and I'm standing back watching how this matter plays out over time.
Yet, the disagreement has an element of safety and self-preservation involved with it--to fully agree with my friend means putting my safety at risk. Am I ready to do that? If my friend is correct then I am in no danger, but if my research is correct, than I am in danger--great danger of illness and even death. So, while I recognize that my friend may be correct in part, and I may be wrong, it's not worth getting gravely sick. That's not fair to me or my family. I have to have the self respect to make a decision that keeps me healthy and safe.
Last year, I faced a similar decision when it came to continuing to teach elementary school. I didn't plan on retiring when I did, but when school system decisions put my health and safety at risk, I made the choice to retire rather than take the chance of grave illness related to the pandemic. I had the self respect to make a decision that kept me healthy and safe. It was not an easy or inexpensive decision, but I am happy that I made it. Would I have become gravely ill if I continued to teach--I don't know, but I do know that by not teaching last year, I was able to care for my health and safety better.
When do we risk our self respect and safety with regard to disagreement, and when don't we do that? With every disagreement, we can weigh the wins and losses. We decide what we are willing to risk and what we are not willing to risk--what we are willing to lose and what we are not willing to lose. By not teaching, no one was gravely hurt, but by teaching, I may have been gravely hurt. With the current disagreement, the same is true. By not going along with my friend's choice, no one is gravely hurt, but by going along with her decision, someone might be gravely hurt. I can't risk that even though it hurts me to have to pull away from my friend at this time as I enjoy our friendship and honor all that I've learned from this friend throughout my life.
We will all face tough decisions in life--decisions that do have life or death consequences, and when we face these decisions, we have to choose what is life enriching rather than life depleting. That's what self respect is all about. Onward.