What do you do when a friend's actions or choices harm others? Do you remain friends? Do you try to understand their point of view? Do you distance yourself?
I had this experience recently. A friend's choice appeared to harm others. She appeared to have little regard for this. I tried to get to the heart of the matter without being too intrusive, but the friend offered no rationale for her choices. I don't know why she is choosing what she is choosing, and my research demonstrates to me that her choice is harmful to others.
Maybe she knows something I don't know, but my research has not been able to support that in any way. Yet, sometimes the minority opinion is the right opinion--perhaps, in this situation, the majority point of view and research is wrong. Yet, so many people that I admire and look to for advice have chosen differently than my friend. In fact, they too find my friend's decision harmful to others.
So what do you do when a friend chooses like this?
A long time ago, a colleague made a choice that I saw as harmful to others. I confronted the colleague who continued to promote that harmful choice. Again, experts I trust would also find that colleague's choice dangerous and harmful. That was the first of many reasons why I distanced myself from that colleague. A colleague that made some good choices too, but the wrong choice she made was grave and hateful.
In a few occasions in life, friends have confronted me when I made bad choices. I am so grateful for these friends who had the courage to speak up to me and help me to right my ways. In the instances that were so helpful, I was either blinded by my emotions at the time or simply ignorant that my actions were hurtful. As soon as my friends spoke up, I changed my ways and made amends for my poor decisions/actions.
So, I think it is important to get some distance from friends and others who make bad choices. I also think it's important to speak up with kindness and a focus on betterment to those friends if possible as that will help them to see the situation anew and perhaps make a better choice. We can't condone or support behavior that hurts and harms another--we have to be brave enough to work for positive change and action. And if the behavior is dangerous or deadly, we must contact the authorities to help out.