I've been working at a few objectives that are not too easy to attain. I've thought long and hard about these objectives and I believe in their worth, but my natural inclination is not to embrace these goals wholeheartedly. Instead, in too many ways, it's a war against myself to reach the vision I have. Why is this so difficult?
For example, yesterday one of the goals was staring me in the face, but rather than an exhuberant response to meet that opportunity, I shied away from tackling the potential that existed. Instead of enthusiasm, I felt a sense of disgust at the task before me--a difficult task, but a worthy task. I could have done so much more and so much better, and it would have taken me only a short time to do that. Why didn't I seize the moment?
It had been a morning of unknowns--one new step forward after another. The novelty and emotion of the day had tired me out already by lunch. In many ways, I'm experiencing a new chapter of life, one that I don't have a playbook for, and one that I'm charting mostly on my own with little support from others. The morning step-by-step went well, but by the time I faced the potential at hand, I was zapped, depleted, and out of good energy. I felt bad about that.
There will be more days like this in the coming months--more brand new emotional experiences that call me to be my best, do what's right, and make the best possible decisions in novel, emotional situaitons. I can do that, and I can probably do it better if I recognize the emotional weight this chapter carries--emotional weight that includes sadness and worry.
So when faced with that last daunting task, it would have energized me to take a deep breath and realize that in short time, I could have tackled that task and to complete the task well would have energized me and others in significant ways while leaving the task undone was defeating for us.
In the days ahead, I'll recognize that this particular path is a tough path, but not a path without deep learning and grace--there is an awesome spiritual dimension to this challenge that I will be forever thankful for. So in the days ahead, rather than shy away from this challenging proposition, I'll simply embrace it by doing the hard work with as much skill and ability as I can--that will empower all of us. Onward.