When situations are tough, I try to find some meaning to position myself to do my best. I recently read the quote, "Dementia doesn't play by the rules," and as I provide care to a dementia patient, I couldn't agree more. The dementia path is a roller coaster of varying events. For example, today the person I'm caring for methodically pushed a pillow into a drawer. There was nothing wrong with that, but there was also no reason to do it. She wanted it out of the way, and the drawer seemed to be the best place for it.
Last week, this loved one was in bed almost the entire week. She ate little and spoke less. This week she's a Chatty Cathy meandering around the home doing chores. A complete 360 from the week before. Besides watching someone you love change dramatically, the challenge to this disease is the unpredictability of it. We truly don't know what's going to happen day-to-day. And for those of us who like predictable patterns, that can be hard.
So what is the meaning in all of this? As in any situation, people will cull a variety of meanings from circumstances. For me, the greatest meaning in this event is to take each day and live in the present. Without knowing what's ahead or being able to plan, I'm forced to make the best of every moment, and do what I can to meaningfully provide comfort and live up to my values of serving one another with as much love as one can muster. At the back of my mind is the adage, Do unto others as you will have them to do you. The truth of the matter is that there is a great likelihood that I'll live to an old age and require similar care. I think about what I would want and try to do the same for my loved one.
A friend who similarly cares for a loved one with dementia found meaning in the fact that the dementia made her slow down and spend some meaningful, loving time with her relative. We will all find different sources of meaning when it comes to caring for dementia patients, and always we will experience that fact that dementia doesn't play by the rules.