I ache when I hear stories of good people who have done good work asked to pay a big price for past disgressions. Yes, the people are clearly guilty of poor choices and bad behavior, but these same people have done a lot of good too. Personally I experienced a situation like this when an individual who was a positive mentor to me as a teenager, was later accused of misconduct with other teens. It was difficult to see this person accused and punished even though I knew he was guilty of those abusive actions. It was difficult because that person had been a needed, positive influence on me at the same time. It's difficult for us to embrace the fact that people can be both bad and good at the same time, and it aches to see people who have been so good punished for their bad actions, yet if we let grave actions go on without punishment or consequence of some kind, the bad actions will continue.
What can we do?
The best that I can come up with is that we have to help people do the right thing and speak up when people we love and care about do the wrong thing. We have to speak up earlier than later to help them stay a good course rather than go down a troubling, irreversible path. For example, I'm sure that people saw my mentor acting inapproprately and those people could have spoken up and rerouted his behavior in more positive directions before he made a grave error. Did those people knowingly turn their heads, stay silent, and passively condone his behavior? On one occassion I did witness that individual engaged in words that were inappropriate. As a teen, I just thought he was trying to be cool to relate to teens, but looking back there was another adult in the car--a person who would have known that was poor behavior for a man in his role, and a person who could have, perhaps, rerouted the man's behavior. Yet, it was a time, when abusive language and actions towards women were seen as acceptable so perhaps the passenger did not think the man's words were wrong.
When we speak up, it should be to help rather than to blame and harm. For example, once when I made an error with my tone and emotion, a leader came after me with force rather than work with me to help me understand how to better deal with a troubling issue. Clearly, the administrator was desiring to get rid of me rather than work with me. Looking back, I needed some skill support with regard to conflict resolution and dealing with difficult, trying situations--I didn't know how to navigate the complex system I was working in to make good change for my clients. I was very frustrated. After the incident, I sought that support myself and learned a lot. That situation showed me that to help people early on with their troubles can send them in a positive direction rather than set them up for a big fall.
Recently I spoke to an awesome mom who noticed that her child had a deficit that needed support and training. The child had not done anything wrong, but was clearly headed in that direction because she lacked the skill set she needed. That good mom was working with her daughter and experts to help her daughter gain the skill she needed. As I said to the mom, she was setting her child up for lifetime success by acknowledging that issue and dealing with it appropriately rather than just living with it and waiting for her child to face a grave situation due to the deficit.
If we all work to help each other avoid life's gravest challenges and problems by speaking up and helping when we see problems arise, we will make a better life for ourselves and others. It is the right thing to do. Onward.